Wednesday, July 28, 2010
White People Appreciation Week
White People Appreciation Week was a Facebook success!
Some of you may wonder what I'm talking about because, really,
WHO THE HELL APPRECIATES WHITE PEOPLE???
Not in the Uncle Ruckus butt-crack licking way,
...but in a "Wouldn't be me!" kind of way.
Think about it:
When do White people ever get credit for things?
I'll tell you how this all started...
Last week, I chanced upon an episode of "Monster Fish" on National Geographic. It's a show about this guy who goes all over to find ridiculously large fish. In other words, it's yet another way to watch White people do things only White people really do. I'm not saying other races can't or won't, it's just that White people seem to dominate certain activities in a way that only they can. So as I'm watching this man basically being attacked by flying carp, it suddenly dawned on me that if it weren't for his Whiteness, I might not be able to witness this happening. So I appreciated him.
Why? I'll tell you. Because frankly, I don't give a damn. Plain and simple. I don't give a damn about big ol' fish, I don't give a damn about space and aliens, I don't give a damn about the last known species of tropical whatever in the rain forest no longer existing. Granted, I have a passive curiosity that has me watch shows on National Geographic and Discovery but you won't find me rolling down the Amazon river anytime soon. And I don't need to. Why? Because White people will, they do, and they LOVE it! Watching this guy on TV, I couldn't think of anyone I knew (of color) that would possibly be where he was, doing what he was doing. So I chalked it up to Whiteness. White people are very necessary because there are things brown and yellow folks are not inclined to do. And because White people naturally gravitate towards certain things, none of us have to (unless we voluntarily decide to check it out).
Thus, "White People Appreciation Week" was born and the rest is history.
(On Facebook anyway.)
Here's a recap of the week's events:
MONDAY: This day was kind of a dud. I just got the idea so technically there are only 4 days to White People Appreciation Week. Bootleg, I know. Don't judge me.
WHITE PEOPLE APPRECIATION WEEK (Day 2): "Their Sense of Adventure". As I see it, White people love to live on the edge. They don't mind extreme sports, climbing ginormous mountains, hitchhiking cross-country, and getting really drunk around large bodies of water. Today, I celebrate White people's sense of adventure because they let the rest of us see what is humanly possible and what will kill your ass.
WHITE PEOPLE APPRECIATION WEEK (Day 3): "Their Need to Know". They will find legal documents to validate income & assets. Out of control? White people WILL get a medical diagnosis. So today, I celebrate White people's need to know because they have not only outed the posers who tried to ruin my Real Housewives franchise, but their advancement of medicine has given us fab 'conditions' to avoid personal responsibility.
WHITE PEOPLE APPRECIATION WEEK (Day 4): "Their Passion for the Cause". Never mess with a White person deep in a cause-- they will swing on your ass. Sometimes absent of religion or culture, they'll quit their job to save animals, help Africa, or go green. So today, I appreciate White people's passion for causes because they highlight that thin line between what brings media awareness and what will send you to jail.
WHITE PEOPLE APPRECIATION WEEK (Day 5): "They're Okay with Being the Bad Guy" Would you pay money to see a show where your race is the villain? White people do! A Black time period performance set before 1980 (sans a 'White Savior') isn't going to be a good look for them, yet White people go! But I appreciate it b/c they not only help keep Black thespians employed, they give me something to marvel at during intermission:-)
So there you have it folks. The first ever 'White People Appreciation Week'. Greeting cards and magnets coming in 20-something to a store near you!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
I hate hospitals.
(I hate them even more when when people I know are in them.)
I joined my father as he went to visit one of the many father figures he had growing up, Uncle Boxy. Walking down the corridors, I got this weird chill. The last time I was in a hospital, I was with my ex going to get some free grub from the cafeteria (he worked there and so did the RN he cheated with). The time before that, I believe I was waking up from surgery. The time before that, I witnessed my Nana die in my hand. As you can see, my hospital memory inventory is not the greatest. I feel like you only go there if something is wrong. And it seems like they make the hallway decor as dingy and depressing as possible to prepare you for the wrongness you are about to experience.
I think what makes me most uncomfortable is the image distortion. As soon as you cross the threshold of the room, you are forced to have your last memory of the person you're visiting disrupted. Somehow, as your mind grapples with the reality before you, you have to muster up a smile and say "Hey!" as if you're at their house for dinner. I'm never quite prepared for it. (EVER.)
Uncle Boxy and I weren't super close but we were cool, you know?
My last memory of him was living and loving life with some brown alcoholic beverage in-hand in the basement. Now I was seeing him in a hospital gown with tubes in his nose, bruises on his face, and an inability to sit up or clear his throat on his own to speak audibly. It made me emotional and I didn't want to cry but the image fukks with my sense of justice. My go-to of "It's not fair!" was silently screaming and I stuffed it down as far as I could. I never let a single tear fall, but I was screaming though.
Perhaps it will take a happy occasion to rid me of this soured relationship with hospitals. Good things DO happen there although they don't always seem pretty. People get fixed, lives are saved, babies are born. The idea of childbirth doesn't exactly turn me on, but maybe that's the occasion to break the spell?
Or maybe I'll just have to learn to accept Life as it happens...
...and not just the happy parts.
(R.I.P. Roland "Boxy" Ingram. 10/2/1931- 7/24/2010)