Wednesday, May 16, 2012
I have a tendency to use trivial happenings as an excuse to vent and emote larger concerns, fears, and frustrations.
Take today, for example. I had my first appointment with the surgeon that would be removing a 13 cm cyst from my ovary. I had no emotional reaction other than "Aww hell!", "Seriously???", "It's HOW BIG again?", and "Fuuuuuuuuuukkkkkk!" I was just focused on getting that sucker out so I could enjoi my Independence Day travel to Greece and Turkey (something I have been looking forward to since October!).
I know it was a combination of things. It always is. And the tipping point is always something that's (in truth) stupid and irrelevant, but on the surface seems like I'm just being a sensitive female. I remember getting a sweet birthday card one year that sent me to the bathroom to cry my eyes out. Was I crying because of the card? For the first .32 seconds, perhaps. The real reason? I was tight on funds, worried about school, pissed at one of my homies, and this guy I liked wouldn't "act right".
It's nothing I'm intentionally doing. I have nothing against crying.
I cry at super kind & generous acts of love all the time.
But it'd be cool to have a timely because-of-what-just-happened-in-that-moment cry of frustration, (instead of everything else that happened right before).