E-RANTS AND INSIGHTS

I just couldn't seem to find the good side of the bed last week. Every A.M. disposition was this ongoing metamorphosis of Cranky to Whiny, Whiny to B*tchy, B*tchy to Mean-Muggin' Stank, and I think I stopped at Don't Breathe in My Air. It beez like that sometimes. Don't go saint on me cuz you know you've done it too, lol. Anyhoo, it was during this pre-menstrual week that I came to a for-the-moment conclusion about the majority of the rich, "successful" types out in the world: Those mofos just got LUCKY.

My father has ingrained in my head (among other things) that,

"There's no such thing as luck. 'Luck' is preparation meeting opportunity."

I can't think of anyone who represents our general view of iconic success (i.e. the Oprah, Bill Gates, and Donald Trumps of America) who planned to have exactly what they have right now. The way I see it, they simply did something and that shit turned out. Granted, that doesn't invalidate anything -the success or accomplishments- but it sure doesn't make their words of wisdom any greater than the fabulousness you can find in a fortune cookie. (And I have found GOLD in between the folds of those tasteless wafers!)

I figure they had a vision of something they wanted that had them move in a direction that introduced them to the opportunity to do what they did to have what they have now (say that 3 times outloud, lol). But you can't tell me that Oprah knew she would be sitting on a few million dollars (let alone billion) one day by doing her talk show in the 80's. I'm just looking at how these icons write books that we buy like they are the gospel. Not only the autobiographies but the "How To Be Like Me" ones (which are usually the same thing). You know, the ones written with indirect emulation instructions.

(Only because I'm sure she doesn't read my blog will I tell you this...)

So today Persh calls to tell me about this weird dream she had last night. Mind you, the last time she called me about a dream, I had lice in my hair.

In a nutshell, she was baptized in a Catholic church by Eddie Murphy in blood.

What that means, me not know. HOWEVER, because my interested was piqued, I went to a source I discovered when a friend of mine had a weird dream. He's called "The Dream Doctor" and he has a live radio show up in Vermont or New Hampshire where he'll interpret your dreams for free from 9pm-1am eastern time.



P.S.- What's really not cool is that this is more evidence of how my sister will never get the same weirdo stamp that I do. She can have some crazy dreams like this, dye her tongue purple, and set her hair on fire, and who will still get the "psycho" label??? So unfair.

P.S.S.- She hasn't dyed her tongue or set her hair ablaze...I was making a point:o)

I'm driving on I-20 and I pass a construction crew doing some road maintenance. They had that sign up about a fine you have to pay for speeding around their work zone. Not too far away there was a guy fixing his tire on the side of the road.

Forgive me if this sounds morbid, but I started thinking...

1. There has clearly been alot of fatalities/accidents for a law to be passed around speeding in a highway construction zone.

2. I've never witnessed a car drive into the emergency lane accidentally.

3. I've heard about several deaths of people handling car issues on the side of the road and being hit by a car.

4. How the hell does that happen?

5. What does that accident report look like? "Well sir, I was driving and I saw this man and I just drove toward him."

So I'm at Blockbuster, right.
Fervently combing the Pre-Viewed racks to take advantage of the current 4 for $20 sale. I'm literally flipping through damn near every DVD case to find the best buys. I decided to go to Blockbuster on my way home because I figured the most ideal situation for that night was to fall asleep to a light-hearted, easy-to-follow movie. I wanted a good chick flick. The last chick flick I saw was "The Devil Wears Prada" which was "Eh." Oh wait, that's not true. I saw "Shop Girl" (Don't do it. TRUST me.). The last chick flick that I loved in its entirety was "The Wedding Planner". Shocking, right? A Jennifer Lopez movie. But her wardrobe was sooo great and they didn't let her talk too much. Also, the supporting characters were funny. And sorry but Mr. McConoughey was quite charming-- I understood his Hollywood hype from that movie:o) It was cheesy in all the right places.


Yet I decided that I was going to redeem myself from my last attempt for gold-star selections during the 4 for $20 sale. I noticed a clear avoidance of Taye Diggs and Reese Witherspoon movies. I don't dislike Mr. Diggs for any reason other than I NEVER thought he was that hotness. Even when folks were getting their "groove back". I just felt like I could beat him up if I got angry enough, so you know how that goes. And I'm not really sure what the Reese Witherspoon thing is about. I think it's because I don't think she's easy to look at. And in "It Girl" roles the dynamic simply fukks with my mental. I tried in "Legally Blonde" (still haven't finished it).



Thumbsucker- It's this indie flick that (according the DVD box) won a lot acclaim in 2005 with Sundance and whatever. Y'all I'm DYING over here. I'm trying to watch it but I keep yelling at the TV. I had to take a break. There's something about independent movies that can't seem to balance good writing with offbeat charm. They wanna be all deep and shit but they just don't communicate anything other than some weirdos looking to justify their version of something. "Little Miss Sunshine" did an EXCELLENT job of delivering the goods. Even "Napoleon Dynamite" did (although everyone may not get the humor). I enjoi different thoughts and perspectives (which is mainly why I watch foreign and independent films) but DAYUM people! Get clever!


Look At Me- Haven't seen it yet. Subtitles. French speaking. Hopefully it won't disappoint.


Something New- I saw it in the movies with high hopes. I left with disappointment. Sanaa Lathan isn't someone I can stomach easily. I thought she was excellent in "Love and Basketball" because she's got that emotional awkward thing DOWN. It was great for a "tomboy in love" kinda role. But when she does that same isht with DAMN NEAR EVERY CHARACTER, I just can't. I don't get her. I'm not interested in trying to either. And all of the girlfriend chatter annoyed me. Every time one of her friends would talk, I involuntarily rolled my eyes. I was grateful to be on a couch with the power of fast forward. I just wish the character was played by someone with more sauce. I can't think of anyone ideal but...whatever. It is what it is. I wanted chick flick, I got it. I just didn't realize the 2nd time around would be so hard.

What's the point of eyebrows?

Seriously. Why do we have that small patch of hair above each of our eyes? I thought about this the other day while doing my daily plucking. Other than aesthetic enhancement, what's the point? Some might feel the same way about eyelashes but I've made sense of those. Eyelashes filter out the microscopic crap before it catches us in the (eye)balls.

I didn't say it was great logic, but it puts me to ease enough to think about other trivial things...like eyebrows.



Men don't even tinker with them the way women do. Well, some of them.

This guy does. He has EXCELLENT eyebrows. He's really pretty.

I don't remember his name but he is the makeup guy of one of the most fukked up shows on television called . Ever seen it?

Basically, they find folks who have aged so badly that they go on TV and talk to this guy on a couch who is quietly saying "Daaaaammmmn!" to himself as they pour their hearts out to look age-appropriate. The purpose isn't what's fukked up. It's the method. They put these people in a glass box and let people on the street guess how old they are and speak flaw-for-flaw as to why they look so awful. LIKE THEY DON'T KNOW! Well, some of them don't. Either way, it's super tragic because the host almost refuses to continue onto the next segment until the guest feels like absolute shit first.

He'll be like,

"So Heather, while you were being gawked at in a glass box, we've heard people talk about your forehead creases, obesity, Crowe's feet, bad skin, turkey neck, and frown lines. You've told us about how you let yourself go because your boyfriend left you and your kids decided he's cooler than you so they moved out to live with him. According to our results, everyone on the street thinks you look 54 (she's 42). How does that make you feel?"

Anyhoo, I digress. Eyebrows are the window treatments to the windows of your soul. Remember that. Hey you know what? Some clever nugget on Google suggests that eyebrows are for non-verbal communication. Surprise, anger, curiousity...all that. Finally! A conclusion!

from Alabama (steeeerike ONE!).

I created a very immature location selection system in college that has yet to fail me. Knowing that it is indeed immature and judgemental does not hinder its usage because the damn thing WORKS. There are people I refuse to date (seriously) based on where they are from. These areas are: Alabama, Arkansas, Northern Florida, New Jersey, Boston, Northern California, and D.C./Maryland. I feel like I’m forgetting one but it’ll come to me eventually. Anyway, those are my No Zones. Of course there are exceptions but I’ve never been compelled to make one as of yet.

Nothing "wrong" with him.

He’s just “nice” and he likes me.

Maybe that’s part of it too though. I don't like to be liked first. I like to like first and then later they decide they like me too, and because they are go-getters they go and attempt to get, and by the time I am approached I already know I’m interested so things should be cool. (Perhaps that's some of the "man" in me my guy homies refer to at times? Whatever. I like to hunt!) For the first 2 outings anyway.

Speaking of outings…
How many “Open Minded” ones should one have before peacing out is deemed as “fair” because you gave the person “a chance”???