Monday, November 27, 2006

White Menz

I wonder if I come off as some sort of anti-white racist on this thing.

Cuz I'm not.

As a matter of fact, after my father, the first man that I ever loved was white.

Santa Claus was very dear to me.

Then there was Jesus...
...or was Jesus first?

No, it was definitely Santa.
Then Jesus.

But then I learned that they were both Black

(A lot of Black parents don't want a White man to take credit for their children's momentary bliss)

So I had to look elsewhere to fill the void.

Let's see...

there was Elvis, Superman, Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell, Jason Priestly from 90210, Joey from New Kids on the Block, and Joey Lawrence from Blossom.

Most recently, I'm about Matthew McConaughey, Josh Hartnett, Paul Walker,
James Franco (only in Tristan & Isolde),

and of course,

John Mayer.

(Although I am VERY irritated about this bullsh*t. Jessica Simpson, John? Jessica "Chicken of the Sea" Simpson??? What the f' ever.) ------------->

Okay, I get it.
He's a man with 20/20 vision.
But STILL....

How can the guy who wrote "Stop This Train" be serious about a woman who honestly thought buffalo had WINGS?!?!?


I digress.


My current #1 man of the Caucasion persuasion?

Adam Brody.
I so dig Adam Brody.

Although I've never even watched the O.C. before, he's my kind of white guy. Low-frills and low-maintenance but has good hygeine. I assume that he's easy to get to know because he doesn't seem like he's looking for a major approval stamp.

He just seems like a relaxed, fun-loving guy. Not uber stylish or suave, but you can tell he can dress it up if he wants/needs to.

He's got a genuine vibe about him. John Mayerish but less intense.

Great boyfriend material...

if he could just pick up about 20 pounds.

**Don't pass out. I know that I don't normally talk like this, but there's a first time for most things:o) **

Saturday, November 25, 2006

***Giving Thanks***

It wasn't until after Thanksgiving that I reflected on all that I was truly grateful for.


1. All the Martha Stewarts of America that pour their hearts and souls into making a wonderful annual feast (because I won't. And if I had to, my family would have cereal and PB&J. I might scramble an egg or two if I'm feeling like showing off.)

2. The dear, sweet children in my life that I love with all my heart (because every last one of them comes with a 100% no-questions-asked, return policy)

3. Apathy. There are times when it's pure bliss to be emotionally undaunted by...well, anything.

4. Gluttony. Without it, I'm not sure if I could truly appreciate the discipline that shows up every now and then.

5. Napolean Dynomite. A reminder that all losers are really winners in another world. I mean the guy took out wolverines with a 12-gauge shotgun, lol.

6. Target. A place where dreams are made, impulses are tested, sales are good, and the environment alone awakens your inner narcissistic shopping demon. Forcing you to engage in full-out battle until the checkout line.

7. Good looking men who use nothing but Irish Spring soap. I don't know what it is, but I LOVE IT!!

8. Microdermabrasion facials. Nothing gets your skin back right faster and more effectively. Especially when you've been neglegent for 3 seasons.

9. Fukked up things and people. They (We) give balance to the world. Providing self-esteem shots to those who (think they) are not, and perspective for those in limbo (who don't want to admit it).

10. (Tie) Canon's Powershot A630 digital camera and Photoshop CS. I have neither but they inspire me to make moves. So that one day I can marry the two in my possession and experience their full potential.

11. A job that doesn't require working with child actors in any capacity. I don't like miniature adults. (Little people/dwarfs/midgets get a pass)

*Honorable Mention: Leftovers. Nothing beats cooking like re-heated satisfaction.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

***The Power of Listening***

Isn't it amazing how one person can say "Cake is dirt."
and turn you off to Betty Crocker for the rest of your life;
yet, someone else can say the exact same thing
and it will inspire you to bake one?

Monday, November 20, 2006

The Forehead Vein

It was during my sophomore year when I discovered them: a collective grouping of faint spots under each eye. Wow...I have freckles? Since WHEN?, I thought. So after a little internal deliberation, I decide that freckles are fly and it's an upgrade.


Because every freckled female that came to mind was highly respected and influential in my life.

Even in modern times...
Lucy Liu is quite fly...

No one can deny Tamia's dope factor...
No one.

So I'm in the mirror trying to figure out how they got there. Can stuff like this just APPEAR like that? Is this genetic? Pops has 'em. His dad has 'em. His sister does too. So then that's what I settled on...genetics. And I decide that this is dope because I have a distinguishing new thing that's all mine.

Very United Colors of Benetton.

Just fly.

So anyway...

fast forward to the present year...

around mid-summer...

I'm in the bathroom at the sink, doing my daily blemish check when I noticed the Summuva.

"What in the Hades..." I said outloud as I leaned in to further examine yet another visagal upset.

But there it was. As obvious as cubic zirconium. Right there, smacked on the left side of my face, above my eyebrow...

A forehead vein.

I couldn't ameliorate the thoughts about this one. Veins aren't cute. Especially on women. And I had already collected my fair share from my feminine-resisting, "But I don't wanna be a girl!", athletic days.
Now I've got 'em on my FACE???

Then I think of veiny people...
(you have to click the pics to enlarge them)

There was the "Alright":
And there was the "Aww, HELL NAW!"

So then I'm upset. Is there a cream I can buy?? A facial massage I can get?


If there is, I have yet to discover it.
So if you, or anyone you know, have any helpful information on the following,
please dial 1-800-Vain and Veiny.

I'm trying to keep my options open until my 40's.

**PLEASE NOTE: I no longer accept paper bags as a valid option. They do not support my oxygen flow.

Friday, November 17, 2006

***Dreamgirls Movie***

I can't wait for this movie to come out!
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Beyonce's character, Dena, will sound like she passed the 7th grade. But other than that quiet concern, I'm all for it!
(you can see the trailer by going to the website)

Oooh and I gotcha a goodie too!

I found Jennifer Hudson's re-make of the classic "Annnd I Am Telllllling Yooou..."
Moms isn't impressed because "she ain't mad enough" in her version, lol.
But for real, Paramount is not playing about this leak.
They have shut everybody down that has posted it.
I just wanna see if I can outsmart them.

We'll find out.
(hee hee)

Sidenote: For some reason, I've always envisioned a very aggressive black woman standing at the door singing this. And when homeboy tries to leap for the door handle, she puts him in the headlock...

still singing, of course.

** BONUS!!**

Music Video- "One Night Only"

(just click on the picture below!)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

***B 4 Real***

I'm sorry but I had to laugh about this one...

I keep hearing all this finger-pointing about why Janet's last album didn't do as well as expected. Daddy Joe is saying that she shouldn't have changed her formula. Other people are saying that the record label didn't promote it well enough. Blah Blah Blah.

My question is, how come nobody is telling the f'n truth about it?
People that buy pop CDs (i.e. teenagers and white people) are NOT digging a sexual 40 year-old.

Am I saying Janet doesn't look good? All things considered, yes she does. Am I saying that she carries no heat? Absolutely not. I love all 3 of the songs I've heard from the album. But in the world of pop music, if teenagers and white people aren't feeling you, the album is NOT going to do well.

Did anyone else question the fact why homegirl felt the need to get butt-ass naked on her video??? Personally, I thought it was cool how it was done but STILL.

All I kept saying was: Damn, Janet. This is what it's come to now, huh?

You hear any white guys talk about Janet? Nope. They're all about Beyonce.

A 40 year-old booty vs. a 25 year-old booty?

You be the judge.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Flailing Failures

Do you realize how much easier it is to learn of someone's successes than his or her failures?

"Wow, you have really accomplished a lot in your tenure here ."

"Thank you. I worked very hard to get here. Success doesn't come easy, you know."

"Interesting. How many times did you fail?"

"Errr...excuse me?"

"How many times did you not get the job, not perform at the level expected, hear 'no', and/or get rejected at every attempt to accomplish something?"

"Well, umm...."

See? People don't really like to talk about it unless they've overcome a lot of failure and you're paying at least $24.99 to read about it in their NY Times Bestseller.

What I really wish someone would have told me in college was that success is definitely possible, but failure is default. You are going to fall on your ass many times before, during, and after you reach whatever goals you may have. Many times. And that shit can really hurt. Perhaps even be embarrassing (especially if it happens in front of people). But that's what it is.

And the kicker is that failing can be such an identity factor for a lot of us.
Omg, me??? I will so make it about how the failure is evidence that I'm not good enough in some form or fashion. Like if I fail or fukk up in that face-cracking way, I can sleep for 10 hours and still wake up tired. How crazy is that? But I do it.

Then I have a private Pity Party for me, myself, and I and we all GET DOWN. An A-list, exclusive bash, and it's done very well. But eventually, I have to get out of my head (i.e. Club Imaginary) and just deal with stuff, you know? Which isn't fun most of the time but who wants to have to look at reality when you can pretend it's not there?

Yeah, I know (lol).
I was supposed to stop playing that game in my single digits. It's funny because I can remember playing hide-and-seek, thinking that if I close my eyes no one can find me because I can't see them.Interesting how very little changes from childhood, no?

I think I'm starting to dislike optimism. It's starting to occur to me as this covert form of escapism that does more harm than anything else. Kind of like "nice" people. You know how they'll do something because it's a "good thing" instead of because they choose to? And if you ask them why, most nice people might say something to the effect of "I would want someone to do it for me" or "it's the right thing to do".

That irks me.
How about doing something because it's what you CHOOSE to do?

Optimism has that same moral attachment, which is why I think it's starting to annoy me.
Like "hope".
I don't like hope.
What the hell is hope good for??? It's a moral version of wishing. It's so pointless.

So anyway, I'm going stop here because my lunch break is over and I have deadlines.

Oh and because I CHOOSE to.

Thursday, November 09, 2006


The older I get, the more I realize how fudged and thin a line of demarcation can be.

That shit just gets downright blurry sometimes, you know?

The particular separation I'm speaking of? Ho-isms.

Instinctively, you might think I'm speaking of the act of a female's excessive sexual activity. When in fact, I am not.

I am referring to both a male's AND a female's excessive sexual activity.

Now let me clarify how I use the word ho on most occasions. To qualify as such, you just have to be an excessive partaker of any activity. For example, because my homeboy has 2 of almost every pair of Jordan's that have come out, he would qualify as a Jumpman-ho or a shoe/sneaker-ho. My homegirl is ALWAYS on the phone, so she gets the Phone-ho stamp. Back in college, I most DEFINITELY was an Ebay-ho. Feel me?


Now if I just call you a flat out ho, then more times than none it's referring to your sexual activity-- Man and Woman.

Now here's what gets me...

So I'm talking to my homegirl on the phone last week and she's griping about her lack of "activity" of late. She is a single, attractive, accomplished young woman. Very much a "lady". You know, the sorority-girl Gabrielle Union type. So she's venting and I start thinking,
"Damn. That sucks. How possible is it to be a lady with a high sex drive?"

So she's still talking and I'm still thinking about this because I realize that it's virtually IMPOSSIBLE. "Ladies" don't have high sex drives. "Freaks" do. And the freak part is supposed to be on reserve for ONE person.

So then I ponder...

What about the dudes?

How possible is it to be a "gentleman" with a high sex drive?
(By the way, what the hell is a gentleman in 2006? Is he the "nice guy"?
The Hill Harper? The one with the morals? The one you meet at church only to find out he's there cuz a whole bunch of crazy isht found him first? Fill me in.)

Surprisingly enough, I think it goes both ways.

Perhaps the classification of such "ladies and gentlemen" is really a quiet tag of restraint and poise: You resist/suppress and you make it look GOOD.

Which also has me wonder: Do ho's ever retire?

Michael Jordan did it (basketball-ho).

Jay-Z did it (rap-ho).

Okay, so those are bad examples.

But for real. Being a female, and being a female with a selective potty mouth (I PROMISE I'll stop once I find something really wrong with it)

I couldn't help but notice other than s***t, a**, and d***, every other profane word attacks a female from a sexual standpoint.
Why does our sexual activity have to weigh so heavily against/for us???

Truth be told, if she ever fessed up about her numbers, it might trigger someone's asthma. But it doesn't take away from HER
...or does it?

Okay, now this has gone somewhere else and I must close.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Prayer Conservation

A couple of weeks ago, I denied a friend's request to pray for a mutual friend.
I know, I know. I'm a bad can I do that...blah blah blah.
But I have a position.

The conversation went something like this:

"...I don't know. You should pray for her though."

"What! 'Pray for her'?? She is a grown-ass woman with her own mind. Why would I pray for someone who CHOOSES stupidity? I am not going to waste a prayer on her. Shit, I'm trying to get another iPod."

She started laughing but I was serious.

I do dumb shit all the time and is anyone praying for my incoherences??
Because I'm a lot smarter than I am in my dumb moments.....
AND you have bills to pay.

"And this too shall pass..."
(I don't remember who said it but it's in the Bible, right?)

Why pray for that???
Especially if you KNOW me to be a dumbass at times.

I believe one should pray for things that have a play buttons. Or maybe something that you can sleep in when it rains. Pray for health and security. Pray for soft cookies at your next trip to Subway.

Don't pray for stupidity.

That isht is just default for some.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?