Tuesday, December 07, 2010

'Tis the Season of Messed up Music

It's Christmas time folks!

And while I'm definitely being a Scrooge about it for the 3rd year in a row *fist pump*, I've been oddly attentive to holiday music for some reason. Like when I heard Michael Jackson singing "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus", I believed him. So I put myself in his shoes and it wasn't cool. Do you realize how psychologically damaging that is?? While wrapping gifts to a Christmas compilation cd Aunt Wimphrey has, I heard the "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" song. Its definitely not my first time hearing it, but for some reason I was disturbed. I shook my head and muttered "Only White people would make song like this."

Which brings me to my point:


There are others. "I'll Be Home for Christmas" is sung by a bullshitter. You can't say I can count on you to be home for Christmas only to slip in "...if only in my dreams" at the end. WTF is that?? One of my favorites, "Last Christmas (I gave you my heart)" is a depressing ass breakup song. Who wants to be caught up in a low point during an alleged happy time of year??? I'll tell you who. Me. But only when George Michael sings it. Why? Because he means it.

When I hear George Michael sing it, it sounds like that isht JUST happened in the parking lot before he sang it in the studio.

Listen to him...

Does he not sound like someone just punched him in the stomach???
As a George Michael fan, I always get worked up only to eventually say
"That whore!" (in my mind).

I like how authentic it sounds.

But other folks sing it like it's a happy song...like this perky b*itch:

Can't you hear her smiling???

You can't SMILE singing a song like this!

Apparently, the only person who knows this is George Michael...

and me:-)

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