Sunday, April 08, 2012
There’s something to say about someone who disarms you with charm devoid of flattery or sexual attraction.
It’s such a weak spot for me.
Especially when they aren’t that physically attractive.
I’m at the point where it angers me. Well, perhaps “anger” isn’t the word (sounds too strong). It ___ me.
Like when being outplayed in an enjoyable strategy game like Scrabble…or checkers.
It’s less “Die of Dysentery!” and more “Crap! You won, you smug bastard!” (That’s how my competitive spirit congratulates, so yes, its better.)
I’m resentful of the predictable halo of favor and interest that I place around them during the playbacks that my brain loops for happy fixes throughout the day. I detest the experience of being smitten.
It’s such an angry ballerina move, but I intentionally do things to disrupt the emotional happenings slowly manifesting against my will. Like I try to make them do something hurtful or something I won’t like. I force them to turn me off.
So what’s the word?