Tuesday, July 31, 2007


This isn't exactly breaking news...

but by now, I'm sure that you heard of the new "Sex in the City" movie that's supposed to go down.

I'll wait to for what all the movie reviews say to find out if it's worth swiping my Blockbuster card over.

I was a late adapter to the TV series, and to be completely honest, it wasn't until I was gifted the box set that I actually watched it.

Let me tell you, Season 5 and Season 6 were major disappointments. They were shiteous! So much so, that I believe I threw something after yelling at the television screen. Season 4 was great and had a momentum that had me ripping through the packaging to begin Season 5. For reasons that I didn't know at the time, Season 5 just seemed watered-down. The characters had become caricatures of the once enjoiably complex women. I wasn't having it. I needed to know what happened to the writing brilliancy.

Then I found the culprit. None other than my sister in veins, Sarah Jessica Parker. Somebody got really happy over there and gave her an executive role that she used to butcher the (once clever) writing. That cute, quick-witted, one-liner stuff works for HER character. It doesn't belong with Charlotte.

(Clearly, I'm still bitter about that crap.)

We shall see what happens though.

But I will reveal to you the one DVD set I own that gets better with every episode:
The Avatar.

(Don't judge me, dammit.)
You wouldn't understand until you experienced it.

More on this greatness later...


One day people are going to get that calling me "selfish" does not offend me.

I already know that about myself.

Actually, that isn't accurate:I'm self-centered-- not selfish. Meaning, (for me anyway) that I am the center of my world but not at your expense. I have my own spotlight that I work. I don't seek anyone else's and I certainly don't want to take it either.


If you really want to offend me, call me "nice".
(I hate that shit. )

I can't think of a more offensive "compliment".

It says nothing.

It's a WORD that says nothing.

I interpret "nice" to mean "you haven't offended me yet". And what exactly is that saying? That I'm politically correct and harmless???

You can have that crap.

If I had a choice between being called "nice" or being called "evil",
I'd rather you call me evil.
At least that communicates SOMETHING with a background color.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

***Videos and Such***

Okay, so a few videos...

#1. Call me a "hater" or "Beyonce Basher" if you want. It still doesn't change the fact that she busted her ass onstage:

***UPDATE*** So CLEARLY, Papa Knowles and the PR Perfection team shut it down. Whatever. Ain't nobody scurred of y'all! This one was funnier anyway....***

All Falls Down - Destiny's Child Edition
Uploaded by YouveeDOTnet

#2. I won't front. I found it entertaining to see the hood boys dance. That is up until :55. And while that is definitely disturbing, the more unsettling part is that my brother used this video to teach our younger cousins how to "Crank the Soulja Boy". He kept running it back so they didn't see the "special props" but still.
This is the same guy that had my little 4-year old cousin dancing in the mirror to "Pass the Dutchie". I had to point out to him that just because kids are singing, doesn't make it a kid song.

He declined comment.

#3. Apparently, err'body's doing it. Interesting weapons of choice, guys.
Very Trench Coat Mafia.

Whatever happened to the Disney Channel??? Lil' dude was gettin' it though! I wonder if the parents are hip to their hidden Negro influences ...

#4. Oh and how about ya girl is crankin' it too! In a get me bodied Tina Knowles original (i.e. any sequins/spandex combination). You gotta love it, lol.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

***Speaking of Eye Candy...***

Speaking of Eye Candy....

I would like to pay tribute to the last (from my recollection anyway) of a now defunct breed:

The male video model/ho.

Part of the reason why I was turned off by music videos was because these crusty ol' rappers and r&b singers will have these gorgeous women in their videos. But the females always have some rinky-dink-aight-I-guess-I-could-see-him-at-the-gas station type dudes. Unh huh...trying to sell us on the okie doke. I hate how forgiving we women are sometimes.

(I really do.)
But anyway....

This video irked me the second time I saw it. I remember yelling at the Tweet like "Where the hell are you going?!? Chasing birds with that fine man right there??? Oooooh you're so STUPID!"

I still get a little heated but I've simmered a bit over time. Granted, it has been a good 3 or 4 years now, right?

Anyhoo, I raise my bottle of Dasani to toast this fine no-name specimen of a man (in this stupid ass video)....

Here, here to Tweet's "Call Me" video model!
(my last BET/MTV-inspired drool)


Tweet - Call Me
Uploaded by Momo59-93

P.S.- Although he violates my "No sunglasses indoors or at night" rule, I'll give him a pass. But that trend really needs to die. TODAY.

FYI: It's a dead giveaway for college students and Super Lames.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

***3 Cheers for Jon, The Eye Candy***


So today my shallowness got some eye candy (finally) and was very happy for about 3 hours:o)

I think he was a bit too tanned to be White (or maybe he's Greek or Italian?) but he was such a cutie pie!

He reminds of me of that guy in the movie "The Science of Sleep"

...but a cuter, taller, less disillusioned version.

Actually, after I gave my imagination permission to go there (this was granted after I learned he was going to NYC to study "Art Therapy"), I could totally see him using a few of those recreational drugs that sound like STDs.

he was quite handsome....

yes indeed:o)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

***Hormonal Health?****

There's gotta be some psychological explanation for why when I am at an emotional low, I insist on eating junk that I don't normally/regularly eat. This does make me notice that when I'm feeling really great about me and everything I do, I eat pretty healthy.

So why is it that when I feel like crap, I CRAVE crap?? Shouldn't it be that if I'm feeling bad that my natural inclination is to do something to make me feel great? Why is something as basic as my appetite wired so backwards?? I want to crave spinach or an apple if I feel like shit. Not pizza, french fries, and Oreo McFlurries.

It's gotta be hormones.

Today I must've cried a good three times for no great reason. I had the same pressures that I always have at work but, for some strange reason, today they all came with 50 lbs. weights to them and I buckled. My experience of everything was so extra. Extra emotional all day. Like right now everyone gets on my nerves.

It's gotta be PMS.

Too many things aren't making sense.

And the fact that I've craved full meals at 11pm for the past 2 days is just unheard of in my world. And thank goodness the drive thru line at McDonalds was off the chain tonight cuz I sure had a McFlurry on the brain. Good ol' Subway saved me with an 11pm closing time.

It's gotta be hormones....

***Always Tellin' Somebody Something***

Remember when I told you that my mother wasn't digging Jennifer Hudson's rendition cuz "she wasn't mad enough"???

Jennifer Hudson & Jennifer Holiday @ 2007 BET Awards
Uploaded by Phillips-Entertainment

Point taken, Moms.

Although it was over for me after 1:12 minutes....

that little baby can throw a harmless fit can't she?

Monday, July 09, 2007

***Dental Divorce***

I have to come clean to someone, so it might as well be y'all.

Here it goes....

I cheated on my dentist and now I believe I'm must break up with her officially.

She was the only dentist I ever knew.
We shared a lot of highs and lows together.

However, she's unavailable at times when I really need her, so last month I was driven away to someone else.
And I think I found perfection.
His name: Dr. Arrue.

Dr. Arrue has all of the latest equipment, and there is never a long wait period. The staff is friendly and professional, and the only Black face during all both of my visits (so far) is the one in the mirror.

When Dr. Arrue conducted my first ever jaw test, something inside me shifted.

I felt a familiar comfort and trust that once only belonged to my ex.

It's so shamefully scandalous and yet I feel liberated to have found a great person who values my time and money.

And I'm okay that he's White.

So yes, I believe it's for real now. My ex and I are no more and I have committed my teeth and gums to Dr. Arrue.

Try not to judge me.

I'm still fighting the urge myself.

Friday, July 06, 2007


Yesterday was one of those days where you just have to ask yourself, "Did that just happen?"

In one of our leadership training courses we have a few very "colorful" people. Drama Queens, Plastic Appeasers, Con Artists, Emotional Manipulators, and much much more. My 12-hour workday consists of a variety of things (that I still never manage to get done). One of them is managing the 12 participants of this program. So there's this one chick, Heather, who will bust out crying every time she gets confronted by ANYTHING. I don't mean external things like people, but just her own bullshit.

So yesterday, she and I are supposed to meet to talk about this event she's putting on. Mind you, she hadn't done shit and the purpose of our meeting was to empower her to be in action. So within the first 5 minutes, she wants to let me know that she's not feeling well, something is killing her, waa waa waa....

So I asked her "What are you committed to right now?"

"That question sounds ridiculous and I'm not going to answer that."

"It really isn't. If I'm clear on what you are committed to during this conversation, I can gauge how progressive this 30 minutes will be. So if you're committed to being a victim of sickness and upset, then cool. Let's reschedule for next week when you're committed to make this thing happen successfully."

I guess that wasn't what she wanted to hear.

She got up and yelled "I'm leaving! I am so sick of coming here and being made wrong by you! I am not feeling well and..."

"You're always sick! The last 5 times I've seen you, you've got SOMETHING!" I shot back.

" You have no compassion! And personally, I can't stand being around you!"

"Okay, Heather..." and I started laughing (because she sounded like the White people on TV). Then (of course, true to script) she stormed out the door.

I guess she wanted me to feed her soup with a side of pity. Sorry. Fresh out, boo boo.

So as the day moved on, this 6'4" 43 year-old White guy (who is HILARIOUS!) comes next to my desk while I doing some paperwork. I don't even lift my head but I see him moving in my peripheral vision. "Johnathan, what are you doing?"

"I'm making my butt clap."

The amazing thing was that I could tell he was really doing it. I refused to look. But he was doing it... randomly.

"Stay out of the strip clubs or I'll tell your wife on you."

People definitely make the world go 'round, lol.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

***Omazin' Grace***

Now let's say you're sitting there, in church, witnessing something like this. How can you go beyond the comedy of it all? How do you surpass the WTF? How do you get to the Grandma zone of "Bless his heart"?

I can't.
I just can't do it yet.
I'm not mature enough.

I don't believe he was a Rain Man case. The flailing arms gave off impressions but I don't think so.

You know, after studying this video a little more, there is a finger to point for all of this. The dude who tries to help him out? On the keyboards? Homie didn't like that, lol. Did you see how he looked back at him like "I got this fool!"?? LOLOLOLOL! Poor man thought Keyboards was trying to battle him....

The Annual

So yesterday I had an appointment with the cold duck lips. I really hate annuals but whatever. It is what it is. So I'm in the waiting room surrounded by bellies of soon-to-be-here babies and I'm thinking to myself, "It must really suck to be full-blown pregnant in this hot ass weather."

And two of these chicks were that nasty pregnant.

That perma-frown, back-holding, waddle-walking, breathing-through-her-mouth-cuz-the-kid's-head
-is-resting-on-her-right-lung-like-a-pillow, kind of pregnant.

It's one of those situations where if it isn't someone you don't like, you just HAVE to pity them. It would be inhumane not to because these females look like they are going through some hard times.

Becky, Shaqweeta, and myself simultaneously chanted "I love my period. I love my period. I love my period." right before I was called back to the duck lips.

"Ms. B____?" the nurse called.

Dammit. I was so lost in the sauce of pregnancy paranoia I forgot what I was really there for.

So I get up, get weighed, and go to the room. During the interrogation, the nurse asked me about a mamogram.

"Are you serious?" I asked. "Don't you have to have breasts to do that?"

She chuckled but I was serious. I honestly didn't think I would ever have to get one. So now I'm thinking about mammograms.

She leaves, I prep and I'm all ready for the doctor.

She comes in smiling and asks how I am.

"Fine, thanks. Ummm...do I have to get a mammogram?"

"No." She had this puzzled look on her face, so I continued.

"Okay, so tell me this. When the time comes and I absolutely have to, how are they going to do it?"

She looked puzzled again.

"There's close to nothing there. How are they going to put it between the plates to examine?"

"Oh they will manage. They have done it years before you."

So she's using the cold duck lips and I'm apparently...well, no...I WAS uncomfortable because she informed me that I wasn't doing what she asked me to.

Then she said, "You should try to relax a bit . We are capable of much more. We push out human heads. "

Now why did she go and say THAT??? I was done. I was so ready to be out. Not only was I paying money to be violated with cotton swabs and cold duck lips, but I had to insulted and threatened with childbirth too??? No sir!

I hate annuals.

Absolutely DETEST them.

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