Monday, May 25, 2009

***Beatboxing Chick***

Betcha can't do it like she, lol!

Cute Girl Has Amazing Beat Box Skill

***Cheers to the One***

We only get one. ONE.

One shot each month and that's it!

But THEM? Hundreds upon THOUSANDS of opportunities just sitting there on reserve. Any damn time of day.
So if you want to know why men are prone to many and women to just one?

THAT is the why.

The end.

It is the egg's job to exist as a selective part of procreation-- killing off any hopeful, attempt to get in and create a life-long situation. Why? Because that smart sucker knows how this show plays out and she's doing her best to have your back because if that ONE little bastard makes all the right moves, it's a WRAP (sound familiar?). Culturally, the ideal is that this happens in a two-person commitment (preferably the 'til death do us part kind.) but unless you've got it, you don't.

So what then?

I don't know.

But I recommend you pop in your favorite chick flick (the one that feeds you all the fantasy) and toast the bitch. Because you and I both know that happy ending dream ain't going NO WHERE.


Monday, May 04, 2009

***Guess Who's Coming Over***

Did anyone get to see this?

The chances are super slim given that TLC only aired it for 2 days and barely mentions it on it's website. Anyhoo, it was really well-done. No temperamental "Kill Whitey!" hostile undertones. No "I'm gonna show them!" righteousness either. It was fair without being too sugar-coated. It was genuine. And I'm PISSED about how unseen this thing is going to be.

I sent this to the Discovery Channel a few minutes ago..

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First NameJoiia
Last NameB.
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Program/ShowGuess Who's Coming Over
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Program TimePrimetime(6:00 pm - 2:00 am)
CommentsWhile I applaud your efforts to bring this topic to your viewing audience, I am very disappointed with the lack of marketing done for it. According to my TiVo there is only one episode of this incredibly well-done and fair show. I understand that race is a touchy subject but you really dropped the ball on making this one episode impactful to a mass audience. I'm offended by the "blip on the radar" actions TLC/Discovery has made. You guys wouldn't even make the episode viral online! Unfortunately, TLC seems to follow an overkill formula. Trading Spaces is a hit? Let's do it 7 times a day for YEARS until people send Paige hate mail. Super large families make people feel all warm and fuzzy? Great, let's do it 3 different ways 70 times a week until birth control sales skyrocket! You all failed a really great opportunity to start a wonderful dialogue with a great approach. I am disappointed that even with the new change America is clearly ready for (as expressed in last year's presidential election), the corporate powers that be at your network resist it. Yes, you sent the commercial to the online Black communities so the NAACP can't send you angry letters, but you didn't make it known to your CORE AUDIENCE. You allowed people only two days to see it after you barely marketed it. THEN, you didn't allow anyone who missed this episode (I don't think I can call it a show given it apparently isn't a series) an opportunity to see it after Monday. Wake up. America IS ready.


Friday, May 01, 2009

***Canine Salvation***

Do you know who this man is?
His name is Cesar Millan also known as The Dog Whisperer.

I call him The Canine Hesoos because he can turn a baby-eating pitbull into the ideal slipper-fetching family dog.

I wasn't raised with any kind of pets with fur. The Canine Hesoos has helped me understand the psychology of a dog so that my fear of them is no longer deep-rooted in ignorance. I actually understand them a little bit now. I credit him with my ability to pick up 4 and 8 week old puppies with hands that tremble less and less. It's awesome!

And there are moments where demon dogs are involved and I think it's his last this

But the Canine Hesoos keeps it going! I used to think he was fukking CRAZY but the Crocodile Hunter still keeps that title...R.I.P dude.

My favorite part of the shows are the owner meltdowns. Becky will be hysterical like "I just don't understand where I went wrong! He didn't mean to bite off my right breast! He really is a loving dog! I couldn't let them kill him!"

Can't help but roll my eyes or laugh.

I know...

that's not nice.

Again, I'm not a nice person.

Just like crocodiles are not to be fukked with like domestic animals.

I'm just sayin'...

Ready for YOUR Close-Up??

Pick any one of these faces and
stare directly into their eyes for 10 seconds.

Read them. Size them up. Go ahead, we do it anyway. It's okay.

So go ahead...STARE at them.
No one's looking.

Martin Schoeller is the photographer who took these. You've seen his stuff on the covers of Esquire and ESPN magazines. But I never had a back-to-back experience until Esquire's May '09 issue: How to Be a Man.

As I flipped the magazine pages, staring into the eyes of both familiar and unfamiliar men, I was startled by my own intrigue. Not one face said "Like me". No one was trying to charm, entice, or sell. You couldn't see their clothes, build, or compensations, enhancements or distractions. They were just there. Although they were shot in the same tight angle that starts 2 inches above their hairline and an inch below their chin, they were all so strikingly different.

Mickey Rourke wasn't a scary oddball. He was a loving soul who knew Failure so well they had a secret handshake.

In Alex Rodriguez's picture he seems unsettled, driven, and even a little angry that something is still missing.

Kanye has very stormy eyes and a gentle spirit. You can see his quiet tantrum about Life's injustices. You can also see the boy his mother loves.

I noticed a twinge of discomfort every now and then as I looked them in their eyes. The only thing that disappeared that feeling was remembering that they couldn't see me. I just don't know if I would ever let myself be so exposed. Vulnerable? Free for all to see and make up their own pointless theories? No thank you! I want to figure me out before anyone else. Who wants to sign up for that critique?

I got curious about the photographer's work and I wanted to see women. I didn't think we'd be up for the demasking. After all, it is our sole duty as women to be attractive to men. God forbid the closeup photo revealed our pores or laugh lines! For the most part, I was right. Very few women photographed without makeup. But what was most interesting to me was what I caught myself doing exactly what I feared: judging.

I went to his website (click here) and saw female bodybuilders. I'm not going to lie, I totally browsed for the shock value. But by the 13th person I was embarrassed at how I automatically dismissed their humanity. As if they existed for my Pass/Fail vote. These were the eyes of women who were no different than me. In their faces I saw facets of myself and I was caught off-guard. I saw the passion, the questions, the love, the fear, the perfectionism, the accomplishments, the failures, the drive, the people who love them, the people who don't understand them, the incessant judgment... it really was all there.

How close is 'too close' for you?

And too close for what exactly?

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