Wednesday, January 31, 2007

***Moonwalk Coaching***

Say what you want, I'm out for VICTORY!

I decided to post an ad on Craigslist for a Moonwalking Master. I'm very curious to see what kind of responses I'll get (if any).

Click here to see my ad.

I'll give you an update in about a week.

(Hee hee!)

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

***Black History Month***


Black History Month is coming!
Black History Month is coming!

Now I know you're probably thinking,
"Why in the hell did she just say that?"
I'll tell you why.

Because Black History Month can be a weapon of mass destruction if used improperly. Black History Month can fukk you up if you aren't careful. This is a time where elementary schools teach all the wee folk about Jim Crow, segregation, Brown vs. the Board of Ed, Rosa Parks, MLK, Malcom X, Shirley Chisholm, Jesse Jackson, Oprah Winfrey, and Michael Jordan (or maybe its just GA?). They're all taught to respect and admire these people for their benchmark successes and national contributions.


They also could foster subtle (or overt) bigoted positions against White people. As a child, if you never understood why Uncle Leroy always got so angry at the family cookouts whenever race became a topic, you got reeeally clear during Black History Month. Case and point: Last year, my then 5-year old goddaughter had the following conversation with her father while saying her bedtime prayers.

Kayla Poo: God bless Mommy, Daddy.......(etc. etc.).....and the White people too.
Her Dad: (interrupts her) Why did you say that??? God doesn't separate people, He loves EVERYONE!
Kayla Poo: But Daddy! The White people killed Martin Luther King!
(See what I'm saying?)

But the funny part is how all of the Black leaders surface with their shiny shoes and meditative expressions. And all of the Jackson-Sharpton-Rainbow-Civil-Farrakhan-Black People Need to RISE UP!-NAACP- Let My People Go- We Shall Overcome- Keep the Dream Alive- No Justice No Peace- Free OJ- Fight the Power-Reparations NOW!-the Revolution Will Not Be Televised- oppressed Black minds of America (who still see the world through a lens called the 1940's/50's/60's) rally behind them, chanting and praying militantly, supporting the tail-chasing.

All of the "Black leaders" of the past 10 years need to be reviewed. This should be an annual thing and they should post the review on the internet at That way, we can see what has all been accomplished other than perpetual "Blackness". What bills were passed in favor of Black people? What laws did you help change and what was your role in that? How have you advanced the quality of life for Black Americans? How much money do you make? How much money have you given to charity and which charities did you donate to? How many speeches were you invited to give? How many times have you been arrested (protesting or not)? What CDs did you buy this year? What are your Top 5 accomplishments of the past year? Can you understand and re-create the sentiments of each generation? On a scale of 1-10, how much do you embarrass your mother/wife/children/family?

Once the probe is completed, everyone should be allowed to pick up their chains, grills, basketballs, baseball bats, footballs, microphones, turntables, pimp cups, Manolo Blahniks, lacefronts, iced-out whatevers, and proceed to the conference room where the meeting of the minds will ensue.

Black History Month is a time when McDonald's acts like your best friend and all of old school heads talk about how f'd up Black people are today. The young bucks roll their eyes and turn up their iPods, and the baby boomers get reeeal quiet (cuz they know a lot of it is their mess). A generational divide on display at its best.

Black History Month needs a makeover.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Playing the Game (Part II)

I must say, this was pretty damn cool....
(and eerie)

"Executive ability is prominent in your make up."

Not bad for $7.53, huh?

(photo by: Super Pimp)

Playing the Game

"Guess I'm just too close to the mirror to see what you see in me."
--- surprisingly profound lyric from cheesy gospel song heard last Sunday

Have you ever wanted to be a part of a group that you didn't relate to?

For some, it was the cool crowd back in high school. Or maybe now it's whoever is in the "Got My Shit Together" club . My homegirl said her group is "People in longstanding, happy relationships or marriages". You get what I'm saying, right?


Cuz that's how I feel about this grad school stuff. When I visited NYU's Stern business school in September, I left saying "I'm not like any of these people". I saw the students as blending, hard-ass, boring, worker bees. Cookie-cutter future business leaders of America. While I was down for the business & leadership education, I did NOT want to sign up for the rest of what seemed to come with a Marketing M.B.A.

It's such an identity issue for me. I don't want to be anything like those brown-nosing white boys in undergrad. Deep down, I know that I don't have to and I won't. Yet, I'm intimidated by the potential influence of it all. Should I get in, I will be influenced.

When I expressed this concern to a homie, she simply suggested for me to "Play the game." I knew what she meant but I didn't like the advice. Granted, she's VERY good at it and had definitely gotten results from it. I just don't like the manipulation it requires.

I have moral reservations about it. It's not like I don't or I haven't played games or role-played before. But I usually play the games that I create--- not someone else's.

If it's my game, then I get to create the rules which means I'm much more likely to win.
If I play someone else's game, who knows?

I'm scared I might lose:o/

I've got this Life-pausing conversation in my mind around failure. And this fear (of getting knocked down on my ass) has me to live as a passionate observer. Like a hardcore sports fan. The kind that go all out and spend all kinds of time and money for a team that they love. At times, the way they carry on you wonder if they somehow think they're playing the game too. I would laugh at them--- A LOT.

But now I see we're no different.
I'm so used to observing Life, that I forget that I'm really not doing anything. Technically, I am because I'm experiencing emotions and thinking about things.
But there's no risk. There's no action.
It's a very safe place in the stands.

But when you've got a masked, 330 lbs. corn-fed man running straight for you,
who's only intention is to take your ass OUT, it's a little different.
It's called risk.

What does someone in the stands risk? Choking on a hot dog?
Foreign objects thrown in the height of fury? Exactly.

But when I'm on the field, I'm actually positioned to ACCOMPLISH something. And I will fail and fail and fail and fail again. Just like how every receiver and running back doesn't score a touchdown every time they get the ball. They take hits on every play. Some of the hits are so hard you might wonder how they will recover. Yet, they get up and do it all over again as if the next attempt is THE ONE. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn't. But I've never seen a player leave the field/court after a few failed attempts, turnovers, fumbles, or errors.

To win a game that I choose to play?

What victory is sweeter than THAT????

I can't win games in the stands.

It's time to PLAY!

Friday, January 26, 2007


I know ya'll are going to think I'm tripping when I say this. I can already imagine the emails, calls, texts, and comments of "concern" this might warrant, BUT...

Have you peeped Ronald McDonald's new hair???

Dude's got LAYERS!

He no longer looks like a conked-out lost member of the Five Heartbeats.(The head-tilt in this pic looks a little suspect.
All he needs is a rose against his cheek and a wicker chair in the background.)

Ronald got FLY!

I only go to McDonald's for lactose-intolerant aggravation
(in the form of Oreo McFlurries)
and I almost never go inside.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Who Are You Talking About?

How's this for irony?

So I leave the house around 8am to get to work at my designated time of 9:30am. Typical morning. The first 30-minutes of high-traffic areas add to the day's predictability, and I'm torn between two radio shows and Brian Tracy's "Million Dollar Mind". Okay, so traffic is getting uber slow and I'm shuffling around my options and I munch on a banana. Then panic sets in as I realize that I'm not anywhere close to where I should be at the time of 8:54. I call in and leave a message. I soon learn that traffic lights are out in the downtown area, along with some huge conference at the World Congress Center. Do you know that I didn't get to my desk until NOON!?! Turns out Donald Trump and Colin Powell are here as well as a chicken farmer convention.
(But that isn't the irony.)

So along with having to park 5 blocks away because of full parking lots, I realize that I left my ID badge at home. So in checking in, I run into someone from my elementary school. She didn't recognize me but I recognized her because I saw her on one of the judge TV shows last year. I didn't say anything. I didn't really know WHAT to say. But sure enough, after I handed her my license she asked (in a partial squint) "What elementary school did you go to?" DAMMIT! I answered and she introduced herself and filled me in on some of the other girls we went to school with. It was all good until she said, "I didn't recognize you until I saw your name. You look so different. Like that girl...what's her name..." I just stood there in silence, growing annoyed at the potential of hearing what I always do. She said what I thought and I just smiled awkwardly as we said our goodbyes.

Which brings me to this point...

If ONE MORE gotdamn person tells me I "look like" these two chicks I'm gonna CHOKE something!

I'm telling you NOW this shit stops TODAY.

Both of these women are BI-RACIAL.

Specifically, each of them has a White mother.

Style-wise? Okay. Perhaps I remind you of them? I can see that.
But LOOKS???

Stop it!

*(stepping off soapbox)*

As annoyed as I was, it had me wonder:
How is she going to describe me to the other two girls?

Okay, I have a question. Do you ever wonder how people describe you in those quick, 3-word descriptions? You know what I'm talking about, right? If not, let me illustrate what I mean. The conversation will go something like this:

"Hey, guess who I saw today?"
"Yeah, ________! You remember her, don't you?"
"Short, brown-skinned girl who hung out with that girl with the big teeth who used to like that tall, skinny boy on the track team?"
"Ooooooohhh! HER! I know who you're talking about!"

Like that.

How do you think people will describe you in a quick sentence? Will it be a physical thing? Will it be an association like family or an old relationship? What do think are your standout characteristics that people remember you for? Do you think you even had any?

I don't remember how I was as a child. Everyone always told me how quiet I was. I don't ever remember being quiet. Maybe that's because I could always hear my thoughts.

Now, I imagine mine to be "that tall, loud, light-skinned, Black girl with the hair". I'll probably dispute the light-skinned thing and perhaps the height, but I won't deny my (genetic) vocal volume. Or the hair.

I hold those truths to be self-evident:o)

I wonder if I would be offended if I got to be a fly on the wall during a conversation where I was being described.


Wednesday, January 24, 2007

***Tamia Rodham Obama***

Can we take a moment of YouTube silence to pay respect to Tamia?

Thank you.
This chick is so ridiculously underrated it's almost sickening. I'm not expecting you to watch all 8.5 minutes of her album review, but at least hear her accappella. Is she not great??? *sigh*
I don't know why she isn't a bigger star. Well, I take that back.
I know exactly why.
(or at least I think that I do)

Tamia isn't a fantasy woman.
She's simple, you know?

She's a regular woman/wife/mother
who has maintained her natural flyness enough to still hold some attention.
Nothing about her is over the top.
She's simple, talented, and just GREAT.
Buy her album.

Tamia for president!

Oooooohh....speaking of which...

I really hope Obama doesn't run. He's pretty much said that he is but WHY NOW??? The hype machine is too much. I am in no way politically savvy or astute but from what I've researched, dude's political muscle is questionable. Don't get me wrong, I love his ideas. He seems to think like people of my generation, which is very cool. However, he's running against HILLARY "I got this, Bill!" CLINTON. Actually, let me shut up and do more homework. It might be too early to be concerned and I don't have enough information to really speak on the matter.
Honestly though?
I think at the core, I'm uneasy with the idea of two potential firsts going head-to-head. On one hand, we could be looking at the first Black president (episodes of 24 come to mind but I don't watch the show to know what that means). On the other hand, we could be talking about the first female president.


The plot thickens.

p.s- Oh and I will tell you that I got up Obama's business a little. They pay that much for book deals???

Monday, January 22, 2007

***Dopeness Alert!***

Say whatchu want, the girl is BAD!

Amy Winehouse is big in the UK but I'm just learning about her.

GREAT sound and music!

Alice Smith is another vocalist I'm digging. Papa Bear actually put me on to her, lol.
Kudos Pops!

***Star Gazing***

Seperated by state lines and borders,


and state of minds

that mangle

and untangle daily priorities.

Yet under the bright moon

of a clear night sky,

and an upward tilt of the chin,

We share the same stars.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

***Go Brangelina!***

They're moving their family (and the media) to New Orleans.

That's right y'all!
Put those cameras where the attention can actually HELP others:o)

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

WWW (Whack White Women)

I'm not big on white women (in general). It's not that I dislike them, I'm just not a fan.

Like grape juice.
I'll drink it if nothing else is available but I'm not excited about it.
I'd much rather have cran-apple.

I created the WWW theory during my first corporate experience back in 2004 when I realized that no matter where they were or how old they are, all White women pretty much suck by default. A lot of them mean well and they really can't help their whack ways. However, in general, White women bring no social value to (my) life. They aren't funny, they aren't cool, and they definitely aren't conversationally enjoiable either.

They simply aren't fun people to me.

Now there are exceptions to this rule.

In my life, I've experienced a total of about 8.
And only 2 of them are my age (shout out to Stoic Kristen!)

One of them I've never met, but she's one of the few that genuinely crack me up:

I don't know if her show still comes on, but Chelsea Handler puts a pretty huge dent in the WWW theory.

(Persh says the only reason that I like her so much is because I act like that. I disagree.)

Clearly, this is a matter of exposure and experience. I'm sure that many of you will claim to know "plenty" of White women who are not WWWs. I say define "plenty" and PROVE IT!

Unless you're a token minority in an uber Caucasion area, I'm very confident that you can't. Please understand, I'm not saying that White women aren't "nice". White women are the creators of "nice"---it's one of their greatest weapons. (In my opinion, this alone always explained why other races are attracted to them.)

There are many White women who I "like" but we don't really "click", feel me? A lot of them are very easy to be around. But do they bring any VALUE? Would you wanna hang out with them? If you two never spoke while occupying the same area for an entire day, would you give a shit? Do you look forward to any type of exchange with them whatsoever?

A co-worker of mine, Wholes, is yet another exception to the WWW theory. Wholes is probably the first White woman I ever met that could probably finish my sentences. (Oh trust, that isht was weird to me too.) At work, the same people get on our nerves for the same damn reasons. We're usually riding the same brainwave, so it doesn't take a lot of explaining to understand each other. And funny? OMG, this chick is HILLARIOUS! It's very subtle at times, so if yo
u aren't listening you might miss it. She's great. One of my first real-life, my age, life-contributing, non-WWW.

So it is possible.

They are just a rare, microscopic demographic.

***Disclaimer: There are very large populations of whack Black women and whack White men as well, however, these two groups seem to have nice-sized counter populations.

Friday, January 12, 2007

***Ooooh PAULA!***

Was she smoking left-hand cigarettes?
Or did Samuel Adams make the Cheerios Thursday morning? Dayum!

***I'm Bad!***

(Well technically it is but since I want to tie in the song you CAN'T.)

I'm back in my pants!

5 lbs heavier and my skinny girl pants are no longer normal!

They are now officially "snug" and my regular pants are back in the lineup.

'Tis a happy day in Muddvile.

***I'd like to give special thanks to conveniently delicious Mexican food, pasta, dairy items, and of course, SUGAR-INFESTED SWEETS!
Thanks guys! I couldn't have done this without you!***

Thursday, January 11, 2007

***David "Deep Pockets" Beckham***

This just in folks...

The metrosexual Brad Pitt of soccer (sometimes referred to as "David Beckham") has announced today that he will leave his current team, Real Madrid, for the Los Angeles Galaxy in August."So what?"

SO this dude is getting broke off $250 million dollars to play for FIVE YEARS!
That's roughly a million dollars...

I know his wanna-be Barbie of a wife can't WAIT for L.A.

I didn't think American soccer had money like that. Or do they? This year, I bet a whole bunch of players will play games in Payless cleats and uniforms with holes to write this check.

Can you imagine the cutbacks?

" leg. I think I twisted something."

"Okay. Grab some ice and go run it off. "

"But coach, it's not a sprain! I really think I..."

"Didn't you hear me?! Do you want David Beckham in our league or some physical therapist to untwist your leg? "

"Where's the ice?"

Oh and Vicky....your ass is wrong as hell for this here.
Keep YOUR clothes on YOU.

(damn shame)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


Y'all know I love SuperPimp (my cell phone).

I love him with all of my heart.

He's handsome and stylish, and he swivels 180 degrees to easily convert from a cell phone to a 1.3 mega pixel digital camera with a 2.3 inch 262K color screen.

His extended memory card allows me to do things that should be illegal.

Yes, it's that serious.

So you can imagine my guilt after hearing about the new iPhone, right. I'm faithful. SuperPimp is definitely going to have to leave me for us to part but dammit I'm not blind. He hasn't seen me stealing looks at the iPhone but I definitely have.

Apples do a body sleek is that design??
All touch-screen too?
Aside from being labeled a cheater, there are other reasons why I won't drool over this phone.

If this is the "It" phone to have, that means EVERYONE is going to have it. And I already feel like I'm being involuntarily sucked into Apple's iAnything culture.
This must cease.

The commercial appeal almost carries the same nauseating weight of a Jay-Z blue hued Denali. I feel guilty buying anything he creates or backs simply because I know EVERYONE ELSE will. Shit, this man alone got a whole demographic of Black men to burn their jerseys and dress like him by simply saying, "Change Clothes".
It's too much.

But that iPhone is looking pretty damn good.

Yes indeed.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Quit Lying!

I'm convinced that 83.7% of the world runs on 2 specific fuels:
Hope and Lies.
(You're either lying to create hope, or hoping something isn't a lie)

I'm going to focus on the latter because after watching "I Love NY" last night, I just have to.
Of course I expected to be entertained by this guilty pleasure the same way I was by Flava of Love's Season One (I missed Season 2), Being Bobby Brown, Surreal Life, The Osbournes, and any other celeb-reality show I came across.


I held my head in disbelief after the 3rd commercial break:

These clowns are SERIOUS!

Some lying thirsty heiffas went and told these dudes that they were that hotness.

And each new lie told solidified the old,
cuz how in the hot ass Hades HELL is a cock-eyed guy ("T-Bone") gonna say (in all sincerity)
"Lemme take off my shades so you can look into my eyes...the ladies say I have dreamy eyes."


Homie, are you SERIOUS????

But it doesn't stop on Vh1 either...

American Idol???

For me, it stops getting good after the 1st two episodes. I don't care about TALENT.
I wanna see the folks who aren't but REALLY THINK THEY ARE!

And they do! They really, truly, whole-heartedly DO!

There are PLENTY of things that I like to do that I just flat out suck at. Tennis is one. Billiards is another. get my point.

But am I stupid enough to enter a tournament and really expect to WIN???

Tell 'em Whitney:

And I know what some of ya'll are gonna say.
"How are you gonna bring somebody down like that? SOMEBODY might like it/him or her."

This is true.
However, the person probably asked YOU what YOU thought and YOU answered on behalf of the IMAGINARY PERSON you created.

Fukk that.
When you reach a point of delirium where you will embarrass you and everyone on your Hometeam (that claims to know you) on NATIONAL TELEVISON with great enthusiasm perpetuating one of the many lies you were told the day you got here,

And the problem is this:
You have no friends.

The end.


I dig this chick.

Name: Nicole Elikolani Prescovia Scherzinger
(for the curious minds, she's Hawaiian/Filipino/Russian)

Why People Care: She's the Beyonce of the Pussycat Dolls

Here's why I dig her...

This chick will not be denied. Granted, I have never heard her talk or read any interview on her but she OWNS her thing, you know? I just have this sense about her that NOBODY is going to pimp her for anything. Like PETA-fied Pamela Anderson and even Melyssa Ford: they own their image and NOBODY is going to play them for profit.

Now let me clarify...

She ain't selling world peace here. She's selling dreams.
The non-dry types for the young adolescent males and the 3-letter versions for grown men. And the girl does the damn thing, okay? Have you seen the "Buttons" video??? Ladies, tell the truth...did you not wanna be a PCD after seeing this?
I don't even like them!

(Okay fine...maybe it was just me, lol)

So way back in 2001, she won a spot in a pop group from the WB reality show Popstars. The winners of the show formed the group Eden's Crush and the rest was history--as in finito, flopped, expired. She didn't give up and she didn't alter her dream of stardom either. She simply licked her wounds and did it again. She tried out for Puffy's Making the The Band: Season 3 and didn't even make the final cut. (Irony:look at what's up now)

Anyhoo, point is that she knew who she was, her talents, and never sold herself out or short. She was determined to have her dreams fulfilled and she's doing it.

Gotta respect that!

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