Sunday, December 06, 2009

Chemistry Ain't Everything

Until recently, I thought it was the Golden Ticket of dating. What I can now distinguish as "chemistry" is all I desired in dating for two reasons: 1. I wasn't seeking anything other than a "pleasant experience", and 2. Chemistry seemed so hard to come by. That's it! My purpose for dating was having a good time for a little while.

Well, I'm maturing a bit. I've always been about sustainment when it comes
to any type of long-term 'sacrificial' investment. At my age, dating has become just that-- a sacrifice. You sacrifice time, money, makeup, energy, emotion, etc. and sometimes it doesn't seem worth it. True to the late-blooming trend of my Life, contrary to many of my homegirls, I wasn't dating anyone to get married. I was totally okay with being the bridesmaid and never had any kind of envy or upset about it.

I've always wanted to be married and I think I'd be a good wife. But I never saw myself married until my mid-to-late 30's, so I never gave much thought about what it requires. Recently, (as in 3 weeks ago) I've become open to being married before 35 so those dynamics are much more interesting to me now than before.

I now realize that chemistry isn't enough when it comes to sustainability. Lasting relationships require Compatibility. Sounds simple, I know, but I honestly never looked at it.
Not only have I not considered Compatibility, but I haven't a clue what I want for myself-- how can I try to compare it to anyone else? What are my true values? (Not the ones I was raised to have or I feel like I should) What values do I want him to share? What are my negotiables? What are my non-negotiables? Smoking, Children, Religion, Money, Pets...I can go on and on about the married life I haven't given any serious thought to.

Being totally honest with you?
It turns my stomach to think about it all.

I get anxious,
then I start PANICKING.

It's a lot to chew on, you know?

It all seems so permanent when you list it out! What if what I think I want isn't what I want when I get it? I'll be stuck...and permanently pissed off.

Regardless of the emotional discomfort, I'll take it on.
Shit, do I really have a choice now that I have a dating purpose?

Oh well...
here goes nothing!

Saturday, December 05, 2009

***UPDATE: I did it!***

Just wanted to let you know that I did it!

Last night, I went with a homie to a low-key dance spot and danced allll night. It was PERFECT! I didn't pay attention to anyone the entire time. I just focused on connecting with the music and the sweat equity was extremely gratifying. The creative comeback has officially begun:-)

Thursday, December 03, 2009

***Background Hype***

After seeing Michael Jackson's "This is It" movie over the Thanksgiving holiday, I now know what my life is missing: Background Dancers. I realize that they could add a special spark to otherwise mundane daily tasks. Not only do they add flavor but they instantly make you cool. Can you imagine a life with your own personal background dancers? What if they'll pop-and-lock, gyrate, and spin on their noses to songs that YOU make up on the fly?

Pumping gas is no longer hum-drum with background dancers. They'll slide across the hood of the car, doing cool things that only dancers can as you two-step at the pump. Walking into Best Buy or Publix is now an event. You're either bad ass or the greatest thing ever with backup dancers-- you can't really lose. If you have to go somewhere you don't want to go, you'll have an automatic hype machine amping your attitude to where you can't wait to get there! Life is just one long ass music video! I think I should host auditions.

(I'm so effin' genius sometimes.)

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

***Chasing Pirates***

So I've told you all about how I feel about Norah Jones before in Feb of '07. I like her, I just have to be in the mood for her, you know? Well, I'm digging her new album "The Fall". This song right here is great driving music for rainy days:

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