E-RANTS AND INSIGHTS

I think the real questions are about doing the work for the rewards. It is work. It's called the "institution of marriage" for a reason. The facets are virtually endless the benefits are often subtle but enduring and nourishing. Sometimes they are so slight you can easily miss them. But when they are gone... that's when you'll really miss them. I have a divorced friend who speaks of his divorce as being as much work as being married. It's just another relationship to maintain and qualify.

But back to marriage, you just have to be hyper sensitive and hypey vigilant to the manifold benefits and super appreciative of something as simple as a clean folded wash cloth that is pleasantly, properly placed before you knew you needed it. It can seem like some infinitesimal bullsh*t. But it becomes a display an emotional undergirding that can't be duplicated outside of a long term relationship and also something difficul to put into words.
 

The Sunday NY Times Magazine did a cover story on Marriage, addressing your concerns in some ways. I think Chemistry is necessary in bringing the sizzle, the magic. Compatibility is important but don't discount the Chemistry. Also, a clean credit history, medical history, criminal background search and employment/income history. And no freaks. The freak shit has to go. We have to many disease problems, especially in the Black community. Oral cancers, HIV. If I ever found myself back on the street, I think I'd be celibate. I'd be like my man Detective Monk.
 

LOL, i like some of "anonymous's" comments. It's interesting because ever since I came back home (from college), I find that men that were never interested in me before are all of a sudden interested in me (p.s. RI is a small town, a little variety but not enough at times). And I sometimes find myself asking the same questions...not necessarily for the purpose of marriage but to create some clarity in my mind about what i want versus what I don't want and lately I've been learning a lot about what I don't want.

I agree with the anonymous comment that chemistry is also important in relationships. I think chemistry keeps the flame going when the day to day gets a little boring and redundant.

The idea of "till death do us part" freaks me out a little as well, thinking what if I made a mistake or what if this really isn't the one. But I guess it's like anything else, you have to take the risk, weigh the pros and the cons, pray on it and hope for the best. I think there are usually tell-tale signs (no matter how subtle) that let you know if someone is "right" or wrong for you. And I think it comes to prioritizing after that, what things you can absolutely positively not live with and vice versa.

Anyway...all that to say...good luck. I'm not quite where you are but am also at the beginning of an interesting journey (we should talk, lol). Keep me posted when/if you find "the one".
 

@Craig- Interesting. So do you think an ongoing appreciation for the little things has a marriage sustain at a level that compensates for a lack of compatibility?

@Anonymous- LMAO! I believe we have earned your sympathy/pity, LOL

@Monsurat- Yeah, use the time you have to your advantage to think about it. Given where you are, you're probably just fishing for chemistry (who cares about anything else when there's no objective, right?) And girl, I STILL don't believe in "The One", so don't hold your breath, lol! Yeah, we should catch up;-)