Friday, October 31, 2008

***Costume Confusion***

So I'm going to a costume party tomorrow. I had my heart set on being Tia Dalma/Calypso from "Pirates of the Caribbean" but my homie doesn't approve. She said it has to be "cute". Boo.

So here's what I decided:

I'm going to be a Blacula victim.

I've never seen the movie myself (Blaxploitation isn't really my style), but I have this vintage dress that I get to wear (circa 1972 prom). I figure I'd blow my hair out as big as I can get it, do my best Diana Ross makeup, and put two dots of fake blood on my neck and let it drip a little. There. Done.

Since this unanimous decision, I've considered some advancements. I think I'm going to add fangs to show that I'm a recent victim and although I'm not 100% yet, in about 10 minutes I'm going to be a vampire.

So I guess what I'm really going as is a Blacula victim who is quickly becoming a vampire and will be officially in 10 minutes.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Let's Talk

Let's talk television shall we?

First up, Real Housewives of Atlanta. What'd I say? What did I MF'n say people!?! CPA: Colored People Antics! Too many damn Black people! These women embarrass me. Actually, no they don't.

No wait....


Yes, they do.

I prefer WWWs for this type of reality television foolery. These particular Black women are too pressed about how their money looks. The money is too new. And they're too tacky for all of it. And I'll watch. I'm 60% committed to seeing it to the end. But alas, there is hope!

That's right! Guess who's back???

Moments like these are only a few weeks away!

Watch more The Real Housewives of Orange County videos on AOL Video

Oh girls are COMING HOME!

And we won't have to wait too long either because it's starts early November! Seems a little sudden, huh? Clearly, the execs at Bravo knew the CPA version of The Real Housewives is lackluster compared to the original WWWs. Basically, the Real Housewives of Atlanta is only showing for about a month and 1 week. I'm so happy. I need my girls! They make me feel regular:o)

In other reality television news....

What's up with a new season of Kimora's show?? These reruns are growing stale. I need more!

Reno 911 is so hillarious! It never gets old. Watch 2 episodes and see if it sticks.

The Office is next in line.

I am boycotting all VH1 efforts for CPA-based reality shows. I tried The Real Chance of Love. I gave it 10 minutes. Then I walked away.

Now let's talk politics....

(stop laughing)

So I'm coming from NYC and I'm at the gate and the news is on and what are they talking about? Sarah Palin spend $150,000 of Republican campaign money on her wardrobe. WHAT!?!? I haven't been passionate about any of the platform issues but this one got me going. $150,000 for clothes?? WHAT'S THE F'N PROBLEM!?!

First off, no person in politics has a right to talk about how much someone should spend on clothes. What the hell do they know about fashion!?!? All that budget-cut talk can't bleed into things like personal shopping. Why? Because they don't understand it. Just like I don't understand what the hell they're talking about most of the time. I was just TOO THROUGH with all of the scrutiny. If I'm positioning to myself to be the next Vice President of America, I have a Neiman Marcus account, money that you donated to get me there and use to help me win, and you expect me NOT to use it!?!?

Screw you!

I know Sarah Palin gets a lot of political criticism. I'm sure it's well-earned but dammit, that woman is an aesthic groundbreaker...a maverick (lol). Seriously! She is doing the damn thing aesthetically. This morning, I was getting ready to watch some of my TiVo shows and I saw her talking in Ohio. I never heard her speak before, so I watched. She sounds more like someone I'd have coffee with instead of a VP nominee, but that woman had EXCELLENT blush placement. I haven't seen that kind of greatness since the '06 Academy Awards redcarpet! Her makeup was FLAWLESSLY executed. The rimless eyeglasses are PERFECT for her face shape. And her hair? No big, round poltician birds nest there! No sir!

I am me and I support the Sarah Palin aesthetic movement.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

***Real Housewives in Atlanta?***

Y'all know I love my Orange County Housewives.

Those crazy White women made my moment every time TiVo would show them to me. I was sad when they left the air but had some hope for their followups, the Real Housewives of New York.

Whackness. Some WWWs for real. I couldn't sit through the first episode. I'd rather re-organize the I did.

But when I heard they were doing a Real Housewives of Atlanta, I damn near lost it! Then when it was confirmed to be TRUE I really lost it!
Couldn't wait!
That is until I saw a picture of the cast:

Now you may or may not be thinking what I thought, but I soon as I saw it I sighed in disappointment--- There are too many damn Black women on this show!

Immediately, I knew there was about to be that drama that only Colored locals (yes, I said "colored locals") can provide. It's about to be some seriously Gucci'd up embarrassment about to go down. Remember I said that. You heard it here first.

When I saw the premiere episode, it confirmed it cuz the only one who seems to have an actual job (and would be financially okay if she wasn't with him) is the football player's wife (who looks the part of a typical trophy wife but her ol' waterhead baby is TOO CUTE! Cheeks for DAYS!). Maybe I spoke too soon cuz homegirl sold real estate and that market is NOT the business down here anymore.

The first episode airs tonight and I hope that I'm not about to email the folks at Bravo and tell them the go to the OC and bring my girls back.


Only time will tell...

I just have a feeling I'm about to be right.


***Debbie Siebers is the Devil***

Don't let the smile fool you...
She is.

For the past month I've been working out. Defintely not where I used to be but I do these walk-runs in the AM at this park not too far from the driveway. The goal is 3-4 times a week. I'm at about 2-3.

Since I've been really busy with clients, last week's sessions didn't happen at all. So I decided that if I wasn't going to go to the park, I had to at least do a workout tape at home. After a few muffled hell no!'s under the blanket this morning, I rolled over and honored my new vow. I did Debbie's "Thin Thighs Guaranteed!" DVD because 1. it's only 8 minutes and 2. my thighs are my problem area anyway.

Let me tell you...

By the 3rd minute,

I was ready throw some of that beach sand she was standing on in her face.

That was the longest 8 minutes of my life!

She took me DOWN!

I didn't even see it coming!

About 2 minutes into it, I put her smiling ass on pause and laid out on my bed. I looked up at the ceiling...wheezing...looking for some inner motivator to press play again.

Only because I know her workouts work did I make a full recovery in 3 minutes to finish the thing. But after that tape was over, I laid out again...for 10 minutes.

I will make a comeback....

Oh yes, I will not be defeated!

Opinionated Truths

I'm not a fan of hype. "Sensationalism" is what most will call what I'm talking about. Emotionally-amped propaganda. Also known as "That buuuuullsh*t" least in my head it is. Especially when Black people are the catalyst. You know, I think used to think that White, male sport fanatics were the unacknowledged sort for their innate abilities to hype anything. And I do mean any damn thing.

But Black people? I think we've got that horse beat. Who else can recite a "telling off" like we can? You know, one of those "....and THEN I told that @#*&$!# that she can kiss all 240 lbs of my big, chocolate..."

You know what I mean. You're probably guilty of doing it. I know I am, lol. And we get all pissed off again reliving the moment too! We're natural sensationalist. Look at our churches! There's a lot (notice: I didn't say ALL) of spiritual pretense in one place where people are "s'posed to" do or be this and that. Disagree? Do a mic check. Listen carefully to the person who's got the microphone and see how authentically they talk to you. You can't get 3 sentences without some default church cliche.

That said, I don't trust Black people in politics. Not necessarily the politician but the entourage. It's the same thing in the music and sports industry. 9 times out of 10 it isn't the star getting the future criminal activity poppin'--- it's the goons they're with. The idiots that they are connected to in some way or the other (also known in some countries as "friends" and "family").

If a Black person tells me to vote for a candidate, I'm tempted to ask where their Michael Vick jersey is. Because if they indeed have one, I know they can't possibly be legit. Why? Because NO ONE repped the Falcons before he came. And if you're truly an Atlanta Falcon fan since Vick, show me a ticket stub for a game.


Remember the Jena 6?

All that uproar to go down and protest something that most didn't really understand but got that it was something was racist, so they did what we know how to do best: get angry. Think I'm exempt? I chose the name this E-RANTS & Insights for a reason, lol. But my point is that all that hype for what?

For one of the Jena 6 to broadcast YOUR money on YouTube, and another to be in jail THIS VERY MOMENT because of a legality that a smarter official knew he could hit him with.

And what makes him smart is that he/she knew to wait until all the angry Black people went back home because he knows we ain't taking anymore days off work.

So with Obama running for president of the United States, I know there are many (probably too many) idiot Black people who are going to socially campaign for him. Why? Because he's Black (and none of the analysts have dogged him too bad). Even if they did, you'd still vote for him because he's Black and not because of his political platform. Why? Because you're just as ignorant as I am. The only difference is that my ignorance is chosen. Which definitely doesn't make it better but it allows a moment to breathe and stop for a sec.

I'll keep it real with you. I don't follow government policies and debates. It bores the hell out of me. Call me immature, that's fine. But at my age, the whole political arena seems rampant of various opinions and, at the end of the day, it's going to be the stronger and logical opinion that wins me over. Why? Because I'm not reading up on all this shit. I don't know what's true and what isn't. These people get on the TV, radio, and are quoted in papers for all of their knowledgeable predictions and opinions and that crap is spoken like it's the gospel truth. And it is, until another knowledgeable expert provides a counter prediction and opinion, which now makes the subject controversial.


I'll find the online survey on that tells me who's views most match mine.

Then, I'll take my answer to the polls and do what the folks before me put their life at risk for until 1964.

So I'll do enough research to make a decision I'm comfortable with.

I'll vote for who I vote for.

Just know that whoever that is,

I thought about it with MY brain.

And not a hype machine's influence.

P.S.-Please note that the deadline is October 6th, 2008 for this year's election.Go to this site to register for your state:

The process is easy:

1. Select your state.

2. Enter the required information.

3. Print your voter registration application.

(Requires Adobe Acrobat. We suggestversion 7.0. Click here to download 7.0)

4. Mail your voter registration application.

You can also learn about the candidates and where they stand on the issues from this website as well.

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