Saturday, September 15, 2012

Beyonce Was My Homie??

I had the most bizarre dream last night.

I was at some night event in NYC with friends that Jay Z and Beyonce were attending (apparently).  Beyonce just starts chatting me up and before I know it, I'm no longer with those friends anymore.  We're walking around giggling and girlfriend talking like BFFs.  We are seriously walking around the place in the standard gal pal arm link have a good ol' time.  She even tried to hook me up with some bartender! Then its time for "the show" to start, so she leads me down a flight up steps while we are laughing and using each other to balance because our heels are stupid high.

  We get there and Jay Z is giving some kind of pep talk a boy band (Mindless Behavior-ish).  We are in a tight space to watch them perform and I keep bumping into Jay because it's so cramped.  I could tell he was biting his tongue because Beyonce wouldn't have liked it if he got pissy with me.  So I'm watching these kids perform and then Jay Z taps my shoulder and says "You gotta support, ma."  Now prompted, I'm cheering on the group and one member just stops performing.  He chokes and everyone gets thrown off.  I look at Jay to figure out what support is supposed to look like now, and then I wake up.

Weird, right?

Friday, September 14, 2012

Vulnerable Conversation



You know what I'm missing in my Life right now? 
Vulnerable conversations.  

  Dialogue that requires a safe space for a genuine exchange of honesty (the same honesty that gets hidden in our every day survival facade.)  Some might call it "deep conversation" but that's not what I'm talking about.  You have to shed some skin to be involved in the conversation.  If you don't say something you've never told anyone, you're not in a vulnerable conversation.  Vulnerable conversations require intimacy.  Not in the sexual context, but they have a similar level of emotional risk.  The convos I'm talking about are usually reserved for people I'm super close to emotionally, or someone I've gone out with a few times and have decided that I romantically like him more than a little.

In truth, I'm skeptical about how this can actually exist in my Life right now.  Lately, my conversations with family and friends are more bullet-pointed catch-ups because we're both way too busy for constant contact.  We both run on fumes of "He/She knows that I love/care about him/her.  We don't have to talk all the time." That's all true, but I miss those organic, reciprocally verbal probes.  I find myself forgetting or just flat out unaware of my own honest thoughts and feelings sometimes.  I don't like surprising myself as often as I do with some shallow latent revelation that would've naturally surfaced in an exchange that went beyond "How's work/married life/the kids/your dog/parents/the weather where you are?"

There's a time and place for it, I know.

Sometimes, I REALLY DO just want to know how work/married life/the kids/your dog/family/ the weather where you are is (going/are doing).

  But most of the time, I want more.  

I like to laugh but I like meaningful conversation too.  And that doesn't mean intellectual theory, opinions, or philosophy either.  Because that isn't coming from YOU, it's coming from something you've orchestrated to represent you.  It's a hard place to get to but its one of the greatest buzzes I've ever had.  Feeling (newly) connected to someone is flat out AWESOME.  It can give that unique experience of bliss and satisfaction that can last for WEEKS:-) I want more of it.

I guess I have some skin to shed...

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