Monday, May 29, 2006

The Stripper 'Brow

I would like to file an aesthetic complaint against the black female hollywood community.

The department: Eyebrows.

The following celebrities should be brought to justice:

Meagan Goode

Patti Labelle


(Actually now that I think about it, gospel singers are MAJOR fans of the stripper 'brow.)

Ladies, let me slow it down a bit for the men folk who may be experts on stripper talent, but ignorant to stripper eyebrows.

Right this way, gentlemen...

You see, there are Good 'brows, Nice 'brows, No 'brows, Man 'brows (also known as "Face Bushes"), Uni-brows (also known as "The Bert"), Perma-"Huh?" 'brows, and Stripper 'brows.

You can make No 'brows, Face Bushes, and Uni-brows into Good or Nice 'brows with a little assistance--a complete Cinderella experience.

But the Perma-"Huh?" and Stripper 'brows, unfortunately, don't have the same fate.

It's kind of like a bad haircut. You have to chill out and let it grow back a bit to redeem yourself, right?

Well some people don't get that.

Some people think that shit is cute.

Nuh unh.

Exhibit A: Meagan Goode

This "good girl next door", glass-ceiling talent is a beauty, no? I don't think there are too many people who would say that she isn't. But when it comes to eyebrow management, she needs to make that change (like MJ told the man in the mirror). She was straight in Eve's Bayou. But went all wrong when she discovered her signature lip-biting move and kept getting roles that required it.

Exhibit B: Patti LaBelle

Off the chain. Just off the chain in the name of diva. Now I know what some of you are gonna say. "You trippin'! How are you gonna post an OLD picture of Patti? She doesn't even look like that anymore!"

Yes, she does. Simmer down....

Be clear, I love these women.

Okay, I'm lying. I love everyone but Meagan "Carmex" Goode. (Perhaps there's more to love within a personal interaction?)

But this shit needs to stop! We need to rally together and unify to put an end to this beauty abomination!

NOTE: There are a few exceptions to this, however....

If you are an ex-stripper, aspiring one, or are "coincidentally" typecast as one in every role offered to you, then consider yourself excused.

Pamela Anderson:

(All jokes aside, I actually like PETA-fied Pam.)

Tracy Bingham:

No comment.

Consider yourself informed!


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