Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Damn, Dayum, DAAYUMMM!!!

You know what word I really hate?

Doesn't it just SOUND gross? I just got goosebumps by saying that in my head. Ewwww! It's a word that provides an unsolicited visual for me. Yuck!

You know what else annoys the CRAP outta me?

1. When celebrities give beauty advice (on how to look like them). How are you gonna tell me how to look like you when YOU don't even look like you??

2. Repeat offenders. Do you ever experience them? It's that person that repeats EXACTLY what you just said in the recent past, only they present it as an original thought.

3. "It's good for you". People know they love their herbs and magic potions! If you say "Try some of's good for you." And I say "How?" or "What does it do?" And you can't answer that confidently or at all....reconsider what you just put inside your body and leave me alone.

4. When someone starts a probe (or "interview") with the whole "I want to get to know the REAL you" thing. No the hell you don't. You want to know if you can count on me to consistently benefit you. Whatever.

5. Super romantic admins. Silk flowers, 2 bottles of scented lotion, a crapload of inspirational quotes all over the place, and the latest trash novel tucked away somewhere behind their radio that's playing love songs or a Kenny G cd ALL DAMN DAY.

6. When a man will notice a chipped nail or split end before I do. Why are you all up in mine? Why do you even CARE?

7. How only the popular or late greats get quoted on stuff. What? The obscure nobodys have nothing important to say?

8. Hindsight revelations. Once, just once, I'd like to know that what I'm about to do is going to make me look like a dumbass BEFORE I actually do the deed.

9. When female athletes chest-but. Ouch! (Stop doing that!)

10. When people invite me to chaos. Get your shit together! If your house isn't in order, then why the hell are you throwing a party???

11. Noisey eaters. Why do you have to be so disgustingly vulgar by showing everybody what's on your tongue during a meal???? Why does it have to be SO LOUD that everybody knows you're eating something?

12. When fashion and beauty becomes more about trends and less about art and expression. I think that's why I dig Kelis so much right now. Her whole thing says "eff' yal!"l and it WORKS. Christina Aguilera's look (in candids) is veeery nice too.

13. There's this Lite-Rock station here in Atlanta called B 98.5. They play love songs from the 80's and 90's all f'ing day. It's definitely something you'll hear while you've been put on hold or while waiting in the doctor's office. Meatloaf is crooning, Rod Stewart is telling you how great you are, and Celine Dion is shouting about how she's someone's Layyyaadaaaayyyy. All day. All f'ing day people are calling in talking about how they wanna dedicate this song to that person and yadi yadi ya. The place I get my manicures at keeps it on, right. So I'm sitting there thinking "Who the hell wants to listen to this all day, EVERY DAY?" Then I reeeeallly listened to the people who were calling in. The midday DJ is some advice guru, so people are calling her up talking about all kinds of stuff. This one lady was stressed out because she was at a certain level in her Mary Kay training and was wanting to graduate so badly but she didn't think she had it in her. This chick was UPSET, okay? (I know. But maybe its really difficult, right? I've never tried it.) So then the DJ dedicated Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" song to her. Ya'll...

I know, I each his or her own.

But dayum!



I'm good now...


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