E-RANTS AND INSIGHTS

In the moments when my reflection seriously offends me, I have a secret weapon. It's during these times when I look like shit (and I’m well-aware of it) that I play Jimi Hendrix’s “Foxey Lady”, on volume 8, shaken---not stirred.

That song is like a bomb outfit. It just makes me feel fly, although the mirror is like “Nuh unh! Dude is straight up LYING to you!”

Speaking of songs of flyness, please tell me why I just heard yesterday that Teena Marie is going to be at the Flashback Festival this year??? Now I don’t believe that I’ve disclosed my Teena Marie thing to you all, so let me take a moment to do so.

I LOSE MY DAMN MIND! I don’t know what that’s about because I wouldn’t even list her as one of my top 25 artists of all-time. But whenever I hear “Dear Lover”, “Fire and Desire”, “I Need Your Loving”, “Young Love”, “Déjà vu”, “Lovergirl”, “If I Were a Bell”, and “Portuguese Love” I’m almost entranced. Now I’m loud anyway, but I feel like you don’t do her songs justice without belting out every note. And with my vocal talents, it sounds more like yelling but I’m PASSIONATE about that isht! I will break those songs DOWN, you hear me? Down where it can’t be broken anymore. And yes, after at least a good 100 listens, I’ll still fukk up the lyrics but that’s my handicap---I'm working on that. Also, I don’t listen to her in the car unless I’m super-familiar with the road. I have a tendency to close my eyes when I start to feel it. Not a good idea for driving, wouldn’t you agree?

I’m still trying to understand why I do that Fantasia-type hollering with Teena. Perhaps its because she's such an unorthodox vocalist. She does this slight yelp thing that's fun to imitate. And the chick just sounds sincere, you know? Like she really MEANS what she's singing. I’d love to go to the concert but I don’t see how. No one I know would set themselves up for such embarrassment. And I don’t want to scare any of the guys in my dating circle (should I catch the Teena spirit). Cuz the last thing I wanna do is hurt somebody by kicking my shoes off (ala Patti LaBelle) from my moment.

WHAT TO DO???

I should just go by myself.

But I might get arrested. Or hospitalized.

*sigh*

I’ll just listen to her on iTunes.