Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Nothing Left Unsaid

"... (in which) nothing is left unsaid."

I heard this yesterday morning and it still gives me spine tingles. It was said by someone leading an introduction when he was describing his relationship with his fiancee. He spends 80% of his time in Africa, she lives in Seattle, they've dated for like 4 years (they met in the States), and recently got engaged. The wow factor was quite obvious. Just as obvious as how connected and in love these people were.


Basically, homeboy has a handle on the genuity of "relationship". Our handle includes a lot of tangibles, right? Being there, time spent, joy-riding, yadi yadi yah....

But his handle is about one thing: communication. Having a relationship with another person where every interactive moment is based in integrity, and infused with fearless communication. If you really look at it, you can't get much more intimate than that.

And I know he was speaking in a romantic context, but my excitement grew outside of that.

What if I could have that with family and friends?????


what if we (you and I) created our relationship (whatever it is and however it exists) into one where within our communication, NOTHING IS LEFT UNSAID.

Wow. That blows my mind just thinking about it. There's a lot of freedom in that. A lot of freedom that "being appropriate" won't afford you. When "being nice" is a conscious effort instead of a natural way of being.

Loving someone (philos or eros) cooks up the desire to care about them, but being connected to them allows you to express it.

And you know what? It's going to take some serious effort and courage on my end to create this relationship with you. Because when I mean getting to a point where nothing is left unsaid, I'm not just talking about shared opinions. Cause there are a lot of things I haven't said to a lot of you for different reasons. Either I didn't want to risk being misinterpretted, being uncomfortable, looking a certain way (to myself and you), or being offensive.

But there's something to say.

I'm sure if you challenged yourself to look, you would see the very same thing.

And that's what so great about this thing! We don't have to look good for each other. I get to be me and you get to be you, and we get to celebrate each other (amidst our differences). We are free to leave our representatives alone for once. And it be absolutey PERFECT to be nervous, happy, vulnerable, strong, rejected, weak, intimidated, and just downright depressed.

But just so you know, I'm going to stand in my position that you get everything you want out of life. Dammit, I want you to have it!

I wanna do this!!!

You down?

P.S. Happy Birthday, Nana!

Do you think people should extend themselves to only close friends & fam or to errrbody and use the "nothing left unsaid" philosophy in all aspects of life (ie work & non familial social settings)? I'm asking b/c even though the concept isn't new it goes against our lovely capitalistic society and would put cats at a crazy disadvantadge.....the real question is if my lil rant makes any sense to ya, hope all is well!

No, you're gonna have to break this one down for me:o) I guess I'm trying to understand where the disadvantage is as well as what's old about it. Personally, I like to stay away from the "should" and "shouldn'ts" of Life, however, I do think that it would all depend on what the individual wanted. Some people don't give a shit about connecting with anyone (or at least that's what they say). So again, what exactly are you saying? I need clarity homie:o)
In regards to this ideal "not being new" if you take any of the 4 big religions this is what they're all about: ppl fostering loving relationships by keeping an open mind and heart. This ultimately transcends into an open flow of communication b/w ppl (ie anything goes despite the content b/c there's no malice or ill intent, ppl r being totally genuine and selfless.)

Now the disadvantage of this lifestyle in our society could come in a corporate work setting where 9 times outta 10 in order to survive one has to be competitive and look out for themselves by any means. If a person was to live by the "nothing left unsaid" philosophy then I'm very confident that they would have to go into business for themselves (which allows them to dictate what their work environment is all about) or be crushed in a culture that plays by a "kill or be killed" mantra.

Also take into consideration those who fit best under the "nothing left unsaid" lifestyle like Bede Griffith a great philosopher & Gandhi. These are the type of cats who aren't trying to bill 300 hours a month or meet some ridiculous quota to make an extra dollar and climb another step.

Don't worry I'm getting to the point...

I understand living a certain way is a choice, but if the only way to make a living for yourself is to check in with the man 9-5, mon - fri then sheeeet thats what it is, especially when a person has responsibilities like children.

Okay now my question has morphed a bit, so how does someone who will be working in corporate, competitive and cruel America live a life where they are open & loving with/towards all of the people whom they come across and still be successful?

Remember in order to make a decent living they have to work in a corporate setting. Or does the person just save that part of themselves for their friends and family? But we all know that ppl tend to save the sugar for work and shit for home b/c they can get a way with being cranky and irate with fam but not with supervisors & subordinates, so does this mean that “nothing left unsaid” is moot for most of those that work in an environment like so?

With that how attainable can a philosophy be if it’s soooo difficult to incorporate with the status quo, or is it supposed to force one to step outside of the box?

Lastly, I think this shows how dysfunctional and ass backwards our society is b/c I keep on trying to think of a work environment that would foster such a belief and nothing for the average person comes to mind. Which leads me to think how unfair this ideal is especially since the “nice guy” is always getting the short end of things, at least in this world

Hopefully this is a bit clearer and please excuse my poor grammar, punctuation and need for run on sentences :) I’m just trying to see if there’s a way for me to be able to have my cake and eat it too.

Now back to Torts...
What it do! I've been on a sort of personal "Pilgramage" lately but it's good to be back and even better to return to your e-rants & insights! When's the book comin' out girl! But seriously, I'm trying the "nothing left unsaid" philosophy and I feel like every time I get ready to activate it I have to warn people first. Weird huh? I like never wanna offend people but there's no way out of it some times when you wanna just speak your mind. But then I hear my parents always telling me "somethings should just be left unsaid...becareful what you say...be slow to speak and quick to hear."- Ugghhh! I mean yeah, to a certain extent but dang? When do we really activate our personal freedom of speech? I mean what if at the end of every coversation there was a minister there saying, "speak now or forever hold your peace". Oh the many times I have held my peace and the should'a, would'a, could'a(s) were just boiling in my stomach like bad gas!!! Sorry...as I digress...all I'm saying is there comes a time when we (I) should stop mentally arguing with ourselves "to say" or "not 2 say" and we should be able to exit any dialouge with full satifaction of getting it all out. I haven't gotten to that part yet but I am still working on it. Matter of fact...I have challenged myself to have a serious conversation with my "someone new" tonight over dinner (an attempt that has failed many times), and I plan on leaving nothing unsaid especially my feelings concerning our companionship. Pray for me...I need it.
Bless Ya!
(To: Alex G.)

I really won't go too far into this part of it, but if you really examine it, religions are set up around principles and values. But they're actually practiced through standards and ideals. That's why you can take something like Christianity and see why its very easy to be hypocritical.


In response to the corporate environment take, if you have to be 2 different people for 2 different settings then there is A LOT unsaid because you aren't being authentic.

It really all occurs in how life occurs for you. If its something to survive, then hell yeah you're gonna role-play. You're gonna put on different faces to survive "the cruelties of Life" and to stay on top. And if that's how Life occurs for you the that's how you actions will be.


If Life is something you create then survival isn't a standard.

I'm not saying you have to go on this flower-child rant and cuss people out at work who get on your nerves.

I'm saying that who you are does not have to change for anyone once you choose that who Alex G. is good enough for anyone in any environment. But when you don't feel that way, you will change your mask because you feel like you had to.

Please know that I don't think any of what I said is "the truth". Just my meaningless opinion:o)

Thanks for the posts! You're great:o)
(To: Charity D.)

You don't need PRAYER, homie, you need PRACTICE! (lol) You got all the tools you were gonna get when you came out the cooch, its on YOU to develop them:o)

But I feel you though...

There's a lot of fear involved with being authentic with people. They may not be receptive to what you have to say or even like it.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't grant yourself the freedom to say whatever is there for you. It's not just an opinion or a judgement. It has a lot to do with your thoughts and feelings. Not just the endearing ones either. The ones that if other people knew, might have you look differently to them.

For example, if you're used to having people like you by doing everything they ask of you, you'll probably be seen as "Nice Charity D.". Your perception is known to you because the person will make it known in a compliment, right? Well, right then and there you are probably going to be "Nice" whenever you interact with them right? It's natural and expected. They like you when you're a certain way, so you continue to give them what they want so you get what you want: acceptance.

Nothing wrong with that.

It's just disempowering when "Nice Charity D." has to be "nice" when she's really having a bad day when interacting with person X.

Why not let person X experience all that you are? You aren't just "nice". You're a BUNCH of things that no one gets to know when you suppress yourself.

It doesn't have to be this militant, oppositional thing either. But you really get to just be YOU, and for once its ENOUGH:o)

Again, this is just my opinion, which as stated earlier ain't shit.

Love u homie!

I love this kind of dialogue! Especially when you engage without all the BS political correctness! Fresh perspectives all over the place! I LOVE IT!!!

Keep 'em coming!
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