Monday, March 05, 2007

***Upgraded Liar***

I didn't want to post about this. I REALLY didn't. It was choreful. Straight up. But I've gotten several emails and texts about Beyonce's two new videos. (As if I'm some sort of Beyonce Basher.) #1: Don't look at me crazy for not drooling over everything the chick does. #2: I don't look to criticize, some things are just Wal-mart. To be honest, I'm tired of seeing and hearing about her. It's like all of media must suffer for her not winning any Dreamgirl awards, so she's showing up all over the place: Sports Illustrated,, and now has her "two new videos!".

So I looked.

And then I thought,
"If these people don't calm the hell down...
she is NOT getting blog time for this crap!"

But dammit, this is the f'ing 5th day of solicited opinion, so fine.

Like to hear it, here it goes...

"Upgrade You"

  • The gold dress with the dancers
  • that big ol' dookie plait in her head that she pets like it has reproductive organs.
  • the overall makeup job
  • how she kept playing off hitting her head in the trunk of that car (she got for her berrfday)
  • everything else

"Beautiful Liar"

  • How this video was a COMPLETE waste of a Shakira moment. They couldn't risk her getting upstaged, so they blended them? Whack! Can't you hear her ol' country azz saying "Shukerra, you know whut? We shood match each utha in dis video. Like tweyens!"
  • Those cheap azz curtain walls. Nothing screams low-budget like a quick "set change" with a bunch of fabric on a wall. Reminded me of a Milli-Vanilli or EnVogue video from the 90's.
  • That black evening gown she wore (although drenching it in water did help some)
  • The random purple neon light that channeled "stripper stage". All they needed was a pole.
  • How incredibly BORING this whole thing was.

  • Shakira

whats so good about Shakira other than her name? Her music is ummm... i guess for hispanic people or something...cuz i never heard her drop no soulful or jazzy or even just real shit niggas could vibe out to, just microwaved Rodney Jerkins and Wyclef and Jerry "Wonder" Dupleis pop or some corny sounding native South American vibe, i think you have to love becky becky pop or be hispanic to feel anything of hers (in my humble opinion as always of course)
And I do appreciate that humble opinion! Let's see, why do I like Shakira...okay.

Nothing about her is forced or over the top. She doesn't try too hard to do anything she does and it still works.

Vocally, I'm not a fan. But Shakira (especially next to Beyonce) has a lot less plastic to her. She just seems genuine and pleasant. I'll take that over that other crap anyday:o)
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