Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Shirley "Nana" Johnson!
Honestly, I don't know how old he is but either way, he's one year older as of 9/4/07! (Happy Berfday one mo' gin, Papa Bear!) Today, is my Nana's birthday (Daddy's mom). I learned this year that she passed about two years ago. I know that sounds weird (especially considering she died while I was holding her hand), but I really blanked out time. I couldn't remember if it was hot or cold outside. I couldn't remember what time of the year it was. I really tried to mark that day in time and I just couldn't go from any sensory memory files in the back of my mind.
I loooooooooved my Nana. She had the biggest heart with the fiestiest spirit. I loved that combination! She would give you the shirt off her back but if you fukk around and lose a few books in spades, you will remember it. (I learned my lesson!) Nana was so much FUN to be around! And man could she COOK! I was shocked to learn that she never cooked from a recipe. Never. I remember asking her, "How do you know when it's done?" To which she replied, "Taste it."
While we had that very distinct difference between us, one thing we definitely had in common is that we rarely meet strangers:o) When she moved to Atlanta from North Carolina for her chemo treatments, I would go to those veteran soldier places to play Bingo with her. Naturally, I was the youngest person in there but we had a BALL (and would lose every time, lol)! She'd introduce me to random folks like she'd known them for YEARS. And she had quite the following too, lol. Many people would come up to her and they would talk about their families together with such love and pride. I'd sit there and chuckle to myself cuz I know she probably didn't even know those people's last names. But it didn't matter. She loved them anyway.
I still cry when I think about her for too long.
Part of it is anger. I'm angry because I wanted her to be here to share more of my Life happenings. I'm also angry about how she died. You know, cancer is one ugly disease. The way it can errode a lifeline is just downright disgusting. I don't feel like it was fair but I know it's ridiculous to say that. She was a kind person, so something a little less harsh and a little more comforting:That's the kind of death Nana deserved. Sometimes I feel like God uses certain people's death to make a point. And this one more example that I didn't appreciate. There are plenty of hateful ass people in the world to have what she did. But so be it. It's done.
Most of my tears, however, are because I miss her. I know that all I can do is cry and laugh with the memories I have... and sometimes it's enough.
On a lighter note, its my dad's birthday today...He said that he thinks he is 59 now but he'd have to do the math to be certain. Ain't that a trip? He doesn't even know how old he is.