Friday, September 14, 2007


I purchased an extra bag of this fantastic trail mix from Trader Joe's just for my boss. Yes, it was a kind gesture but it was really because I'm sick of sharing mine.

I regret that shit with all my heart. Know this.

If I only knew that she chews like a cow, I would've found a more silent those Listerine tongue strips.

There's just something about loud eaters that unnerves me. When people smack on their food, something inside me goes wacky. I automatically lose my focus and become fixated on an immediate, tactful solution. After a while, my imagination retreats to violent solutions like asphyxiation or lip-stapling.
I have been this way for years and have yet to master ignoring it. I can't. It lures me in only to shut down my concentration and ignite my angst.

And so I must.

Yes, I must.

Tomorrow, I must ask for some trail mix and consume 80% of whatever is left in the bag.

Don't judge me.

Some actions are necessary.

You are retarded. The reason you have these problems is b/c you have ADD (or it could be b/c she doesn't know how to chew w/ her mouth closed and its just annoying). Anyway, my suggestion for a solution may work under either circumstance. I think you should purchase some earplugs and use those. They may not block out all the noise, but it may be enough for you to stop focusing on the sound of the chewing. If this is your boss, you really don't want to eat all of his or her food when you just got him or her that as a gift.
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