E-RANTS AND INSIGHTS

I decided that my wayward eyebrow arch has gotten out of control and I want a new, matching, stronger shape for winter. I am quite particular about eyebrows (if you hadn't noticed from my 2nd post) so you can only imagine how shiteous I feel. I've upped the makeup game to compensate but it's far from effective.

Well, not really. I got strategic and I decided to play up the eyes to draw away attention from the face bushes. I was due for a new mascara so I decided to put my usual Lancome Hypnose mascara on hold and go for whatever my sister and this woman Mary use. Mary is like 50 years old and had lashes that looked like spider legs. I had to ask her "Are those real?" She confirmed and I replied "You have naturally long ones, huh? (p.s.-I hate you)." She insisted that she didn't and told me that it was this 2-step mascara she got from CVS that had a conditioner and then the mascara.

So I went to CVS. You know, not knowing exactly what the product was called or who made it, I soooo got the power of marketing. There I was, facing a wall of products, promises, and very expensively airbrushed promotional models. All I knew was "mascara", "2 steps", equals great lashes. Well how about 3 different brands made the same damn kind of mascara!?!? They were all priced the same with the same kinds of promises, so I was stuck.

Then I stepped back and looked at the models. Who's mascara would I use? Beyonce's? Kate Moss'? Halle Berry's? That girl who does the Victoria Secret stuff?

I went with the 40 year-old. Even though I'm sure the only Revlon she wears is for those pictures, I'll invest in the fantasy.

So I'm home. In the mirror. Ready to have spider leg lashes. I open the package and go to the white side which is the conditioner. I make sure I've got every lash coated with it and I wait a bit for it to dry. Then I open the black side to apply over the conditioner. About halfway into my left eye I think "I've been doing this for a minute now."










So I sat back with the realization that I had been hookwinked, bamboozled, and led astray. This wasn't some magic mascara! It was a clever ploy just to have me to put more of it on!