Tuesday, November 13, 2007

(Road) Trippin' with Persh (aka Sissa P)

(She is so gonna throw a tantrum when she reads this, but it's my blog so DEAL!)

While driving to Panera Bread on my lunch break today, one of my favorite Car-e-oke songs came on-- Hoobastank's "The Reason". You get to yell the whole time and it's a lot of fun...well, at least it is for me and Sissa P (That's her rapping name. I talked her out of Pimpin' P.). Persh and I have our own sisterly bond and if we forget you're there you'll see what I mean.

For example, if we're in the car and one of our classic Car-e-oke songs comes on you will see us act a fool. Know this. Any song where people belt out the lyrics, me and Persh are right there , squinting our eyes with our heads swaying, and clasping our hearts with clinched fists to capture the emotion. As a matter of fact, a few years back when we threatened to be crunk artists, we came up with great songs inspired by our times on the road. Our first hit was going to be called "Debris" (you have to pronounce the 's'). The hook was something like "Debris is in the skreets/so we gotta switch lanes/we gangsta so no blinkers/boo, this is not a game..." something like that.

But our crown jewel was "Jelly on My Jeans" (inspired by Project Pat's "Gel and Weave"-- yes, it's a real song). We only made a verse and a chorus but it went something like this,
Chorus: Jelly on my jeans (I got) Jelly on my jeans I tried to keep it clean but I got jelly on my jeans

I'm on my way to work/I'm already late/ I'm hungry as a mugg so you know they gotta wait/ I order me a biscuit/and some hashbrowns/I get out my money cuz I'm rets to throw down/ I pull up to the window/she gave me my juice/she passed me my food and I threw her the deuce/ I looked in my bag/she said, "Oh pardon me. Would you like some jelly?"/I said "Ummm, yes please." / I put it on my biscuit/as quick as a snap/but as soon as I bit it jelly fell in my lap

Yeah. We had plans to make a whole album.

The album was called "Hollatchoboo Records presents: Sissa P and Juicy J: Khakis and Keds: Suburban Streets,Vol I" cuz there's nothing more trill than khaki pants and Keds sneakers (the overuse of the colon was my idea:o). We have to represent the streets we come from-- the suburban streets. You have to watch your back, cuz you never know when the Fed (Ex truck) will knock on your door.

And don't let us have an H.O.V. lane opportunity! Cuz as soon as one of us sees it we throw up the sign and yell, "Hoooooooooooov!" Passersby cars either think we are the super Roc-a-Fella fans we're not or some real hype chicks from Delta Sigma Theta.

Sissa P also sends more random text messages than I do. (Okay, that's not true but she's close.) Sometimes I'll make fun of her because she has the physical strength of a man (and I clearly don't). I gave her a warrior name "Second Son" to use in times of asinine jest.

Then one day I get:
{If we were a part of a tribe n africa during the slave trade, they wouldn't sell u because of ur weak wrists}

We both like Buddha babies. So while in the store one day, she finds one she likes, takes a pic, and makes a request:

{I want a Mexican baby! }

I came home late a few nights in a row and she texts:
{I honestly don't know what 2 do. U don't come home. U don't call when ur going 2 be out late. Is there someone else?}
To which I replied:
{What, lol?? Go to sleep! It's 2 am psycho!}
Her response:
{I suppose. I am just trying to make this house a home that's all}

She even sends texts in life-threatening moments:
{OMG! Mommy farted n the car. I almost died. I saw a white light 4 a sec no lie}

Then she can be reeeally sweet:
{Raise ur hand if you have the bestest-stist sister n the history of earth.}
After I ignored her, she replied:
{Both of mine r up boo}

See what I mean?
Y'all thought I was bad, huh?

She's a little more rough around the edges than I am but she is HILLARIOUS! I'm not funny but SHE IS PURE COMEDY! Brother Airbender swears we act just like those girls off of "Run's House".
I don't see it at all but maybe the crackpipe is in my hand and I need to take a step back .

Love my Persh!
(even if she did get all the cleavage...)

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